HOLIDAY TIME—AS SHOWN BY MEMBERS' DRESS IN THE HOUSE.
Incidentally provided Tim Healy with opportunity for making speech quite in old (of late unfamiliar) form. One of P. S.'s clauses designed for appointment of Boundary Commissioners, with view of what T. W. Russell described as "ojus jerrymandering." Tim declared that scheme proposed by Bill would give Unionists a much larger representation than they were entitled to, leaving them, with exception of disfranchisement of Dublin University, in very much same numbers as they now stand. Demonstrating this, Tim cited in detail the constituencies affected. Totted them up to reach the total he had affirmed—certainly eighteen, possibly twenty-one.
"There's Armagh two," he said, "and Antrim four. Four and two are six," he added, turning with defiant look upon the placid figure of T. W. Russell. Paused for a moment to give full opportunity for anyone getting up to deny this proposition. No response; Tim proceeded; "Very well, six. There's Belfast four. Six and four are ten!" he shouted triumphantly, looking across at Joseph. "Very well, ten," he added, in low growl; evidently disappointed at lack of spirit in camp opposite. "Down—North, East and West Down you'll have, I suppose? That's three. Three and ten's thirteen. Thirteen!" he shouted, turning with quick flush of hope in direction of seat of Edward of Armagh. But Colonel not there. In fact not been seen in House since he went out after the great fight, holding bunch of keys to his bruised cheek.
Things looking desperate; still Tim plodded on. Surely age of chivalry not so finally gone that there was not left in an Irish bosom sufficient courage to deny to a political adversary that two and two made four? Perhaps Tim had been piling on the units too high. He would continue on a lower scale. "Very well, that's thirteen. Now North Fermanagh's one. Thirteen and one's fourteen." No pen can describe the acrimony Tim threw into this proposition. Still the craven blood did not stir. "Londonderry, North, South, and City—I suppose you expect to collar them all? That's three; fourteen and three are seventeen."
It was terrible. The Speaker, fearing bloodshed, interposed, ruling Tim out of order; only just in time. One could see by flush on Macartney's cheek that one step more would have been fatal, and that the proposition "Seventeen and two are nineteen" would have led to outbreak beside which the "regrettable incident" would have been meretriciously mild.
Business done.—Took up Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill.
"Bimetallism."
Tuesday.—The Squires had regular set-to to-night. He of Blankney began it; Squire of Malwood, never loath for a tussle, cheerfully stepping into the ring. Order of the day was Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill. Members, though in languid mood, prepared once more to tread the dreary round, to pass a summer night
In dropping buckets into empty wells,
And growing old in drawing nothing up.
Squire of Blankney ordered matters otherwise. Has for some time had by him paper on Bimetallism, which he desired to read to House. Thought event might have come off on Vote on Account; ruled out of order; would fit in equally well on Indian Budget. But when will Indian Budget be taken? Gorst and Echo answer "When?" Squire, whilst willing to sacrifice all personal considerations on the altar of public interest, feels that duty to his Queen and country call him away for an interval of rest. He might leave his paper for Dicky Temple to read; or he might have it printed and circulated with the votes. Whilst pondering on these alternatives, happy thought came to him. Why not move adjournment of House, and so work off speech? Of course wouldn't do to put the matter bluntly, and "ask leave to move the adjournment for the purpose of discussing a definite matter of urgent public importance, namely, Harry Chaplin's desire to get out of town." But for "Harry Chaplin's desire," &c., substitute "the closing of the Indian mints to the free coinage of silver," and there you are.
There we were indeed. Opposition didn't show up with the enthusiasm that might have been expected in such a cause. Question was indeed raised whether the necessary forty Members had risen to support application for leave. Speaker said it was all right, so Squire of Blankney brought out his treasured manuscript and reeled off his speech. Squire of Malwood exceedingly angry that he should have occupied nearly an hour for the purpose. So angry that he took almost precisely same time in replying. Drew a lurid picture of the other Squire going about "endeavouring to make mischief in Hindustan." The poor Squire of Blankney! No such fell design had filled his manly breast. He was guilty of no more direful purpose than that of availing himself of forms of the House to read a paper on Bimetallism prepared for a lapsed occasion, which might have been out of date had he kept it in his drawer till he came back from his holiday. It led to appropriation of four hours of the sitting; but if they had not been wasted in this way, they would have been squandered in some other, and House would have lost spectacle of this set-to between the Malwood Mauler and the Blankney Pet.
Business done.—None to speak of.
Thursday.—Seems Brodrick didn't say at Farnham those naughty things about Mr. G. 'Tis true he had referred to failure of a popular local donkey to win a race owing to increasing infirmities, adding "it is quite time some of us should be turned out to grass." But he was not thinking of Mr. G. Of whom then was the Young Man thinking? Could it have been ——? But no, a thousand times no.
The Government Humorist.
("No, I'm hanged if I do.")
Certainly nothing in Mr. G.'s appearance to-night suggestive of desire or necessity for knocking-off work. Others may tire and turn fondly to contemplation of moor, river, or sea. Mr. G. thinks there's no place like London in mid-August, no scene so healthful or invigorating as House of Commons. Plunged in to-night on one of the interminable Amendments. A difficult job in hand. Had to accept Amendment which Solicitor-General and Attorney-General had an hour earlier been put up to show was impossible. Began by pummelling Prince Arthur; proceeded to make little of Henry James; turned aside to pink Joseph with sarcastic reference to inveterate love with which he is cherished in the bosom of his new friends the Tories; finished by throwing over Attorney-General with grace and dexterity that made experience rather pleasant than otherwise; and at a quarter to eight accepted an Amendment that had been moved at a quarter to six.
It was in conversation round this Debate that Solicitor-General, accused by Carson of knowing all about a certain point of law, delighted House by taking off wig, pitching it ceiling-high, deftly catching it, and observing with a wink at Speaker, "No, I'm hanged if I do."
Business done.—Report Stage Home-Rule Bill.
Friday Night.—Grouse to-morrow, Home-Rule Bill to-night. As Borthwick says, Home-Rule Bill is like partridge, at least to this extent, that, in course of a few months, its daily appearance on the table leads to sensation of palled palate. Truly, toujours perdrix is endurable by comparison with Always Home Rule. Members who remain bear up pretty bravely, but glance wistfully at the door through which have disappeared so many friends and companions dear, bound Northward. The holiday, even when it comes for us—the mere residuum, tasting grouse only from the bounty of our friends, who are not dead but gone before—will be but an interval in a prodigiously long Session. "I suppose you find the Autumn Session very popular," I said to Marjoribanks, who still wears a smile. "Yes," he said; "more especially with Members who have paired up to Christmas."
Business done.—Still harping on Home Rule.
| Transcriber's Note: Sundry damaged or missing punctuation has been repaired. The correction listed below is also indicated in the text by a dashed line at the appropriate place: Move the mouse over the word, and the original text appears. Page 73: 'break' corrected to 'brake'. "I'm over before you have put on the brake," |