EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Lords, Monday, July 24.—Haven't heard much of House of Lords this Session. Will take the floor presently, and show Commons how Legislation should be conducted. For weeks and months they've been slaving round Home-Rule Bill. Noble Lords, with fuller experience, and heaven-born aptitude, undertake to polish it off in a week. Meanwhile have had less work than usual to do. Might even have made long Summer holiday. Patriotically insisted upon meeting four times a week, to show, to whom it may concern, that at least they are ready for work.
To-night suddenly blazed forth with amazing vigour. Old friend Evelyn Baring, taking his seat under new style, Lord Cromer, agreeably surprised; House almost full; Opposition in high feather; cheered Cadogan and the Markiss with rare enthusiasm.
"I suppose the question is either the Church or the Land?" said Cromer, looking up his Orders of the Day. "Heard in Egypt those were only subjects that made you sit up."
"There's one other," said Carrington, to whom remark was addressed; "though you will say it practically comes to the same thing. It's Mr. G. Anything connected with him ruffles House with sudden storm. Mr. G. made Houghton Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. Houghton a charming fellow; popular in both camps; but being Mr. G.'s selection for the Viceroyalty, we—I mean they—are bound to go for him."
Went for him to-night hammer and tongues. Cadogan, not usually a peer of bloodthirsty aspect, clenched his teeth with ominous vigour when he discovered Houghton was not present. Had sent him special invitation, he explained. Had even gone so far as to leave to him choice of date for his execution. "And now," cried Cadogan, glaring round the appalled House, "his Excellency is not here!"
His absence commented on with towering vigour. Lord Lieutenant's procedure, in his dealing with addresses, "dishonest, dishonourable, discreditable to all concerned," said Cadogan, by way of final shot, intended to sink whole Ministerial Bench.
Markiss, not to be outdone, denounced Mr. G. as "a despot," and his colleagues in the Government "a well-trained company of mutes." As for something Lord Spencer had said, Markiss described it as "a pure invention," which is much politer than Mr. Mantalini's way of referring to similar lapse as "a demnition lie." House sat as late as half-past six, and went off home in high good humour. "Quite a long time since we wet our spears," said the Markiss. "Just as well sometime, dear Toby, to show you fellows in the Commons what we can do."
Business done.—In Commons Financial Clause to Home-Rule Bill passed Second Reading.
House of Commons, Tuesday.—Don't Keir Hardie on again with fresh inquiry as to misadventure to one Arthur Walker on day of Royal Wedding. Mr. Walker (of London) it appears had difficulty with mounted officer in command of company of troops. Officer says that when ordered to fall back Walker seized his horse's rein. ARTHUR says "Walker!"; didn't do anything of the sort. That remains in dispute. What is clear is that Walker got slight scalp wound, inflicted by the warrior's sword. Don't Keir Hardie wants sworn inquiry into case. Campbell-Bannerman puts whole case in nutshell. "An accident," he says, "a regrettable accident; entirely owing to fact of the sharp edge of the sword meeting the man's head, instead of the flat edge."
That was all; but Walker seems to think it was enough. Carried out on a larger scale, before and since Waterloo, similar accidents have had even more direful results. But Campbell-Bannerman, by voice and manner, succeeded in throwing into explanation an amount of conviction that communicated itself to House, and even quietened Don't Keir Hardie. The choice of the word "meeting" was perhaps most exquisite touch in answer. Without venturing upon assertion, it conveyed impression that responsibility for regrettable occurrence was fully shared by Mr. Walker. Meeting implies advance from either side. To accomplish the contact, Mr. Walker's head must have advanced in the direction of the sword, which at the moment happened to be going the other way, unfortunately with the sharp edge to the front. Hence, between the two, the abrasion of Mr. Walker's skull.
VIEW OF "COMMITTEE STAGE OF THE HOME-RULE BILL." "CALL" FOR THE AUTHOR AND MANAGER.
Campbell-Bannerman did not add another word, but everyone who knows his kindness of heart will understand his unuttered wish that when in future Walker takes his walks abroad he will be more careful. At least, if his head insists upon meeting swords going the other way, he may be expected to note whether it is the sharp edge or the flat that is out for the day.
Business done.—Financial Clause Home-Rule Bill in Committee. A long dull night, flashing forth at end in encounter between Joseph and his "right hon. friend." Mr. G. in tremendous force and vigour. In its way it was Campbell-Bannerman's story over again, Joseph's blameless head meeting the sharp edge of Mr. G.'s sword. Where difference came in was in circumstance that no one seemed to regard accident as regrettable. On contrary, whilst the Home-Rulers whooped in wild delight, the Opposition crowded the benches to watch the fun.
Friday, 1.20 a.m.—If there is in the world at this moment a thoroughly astonished man it is John William Logan, Member of Parliament for the South (Harborough) division of Leicestershire. Just now Logan's mind is disturbed and his collar ruffled by an incident in the passage of Home-Rule Bill; but he is capable of giving perfectly coherent account of events. At ten o'clock Mellor rose as usual to set in motion machinery of guillotine. Question at moment before Committee peremptorily put. Logan, unguardedly descending from serene atmosphere of side gallery, reached floor of House; was passing between table and Front Opposition Bench towards division lobby when he beheld vision of Vicary Gibbs skipping down gangway steps shouting and waving his arms. Logan, a man of philosophical temperament and inquiring mind, halted to watch course of events. Something apparently wrong in the City; things either gone up or gone down; Vicary Gibbs certainly come down; was now seated beside Prince Arthur, with hat fiercely pressed over brow, excitedly shouting at Chairman. As everybody else was shouting at same moment, Chairman wrung his hands, and spasmodically cried "Order! Order!" Logan had presence of mind to note that whilst Vicary in any pause in the storm cried aloud, "Mr. Mellor, I rise to order," he was sitting down all the time with his hat on.
That was Logan's last collected idea before personal affairs entirely engrossed his attention. Hayes Fisher, in ordinary times mildest-mannered man that ever helped to govern Ireland, took note of Logan still standing in passage between Front Bench and table; effect upon him miraculous.
"Yah, Logan!" he yelled; "get out. Bah! bah! go to the Bar."
Contagion of fury touched Carson, who had hitherto been shouting at large. He now turned on Logan. "Gag! gag!" he yelled. "Gang of gaggers." Then, in heat of moment, he cried above the uproar, "Gag of gangers."
This too much for Logan. Hitherto stood everything; now sat down in contiguity to Carson. Here is where the surprise came in. Front Opposition Bench not his usual place, but was nearest available seat. His standing up objected to; it was certainly against rules of law and order that prevail in the House of Commons. Very well then, he would sit down. This he did, taking vacant place by Carson. But, like the bo'sun and the sailor strung up for forty lashes, hit high or hit low he couldn't please them. The scene that followed has no parallel since similar disturbance took place in Dotheboys Hall when Nicholas Nickleby revolted and "took it out" of Squeers. Hayes Fisher leaning over clutched LOGAN by the back of the neck and thrust him forth. Ashmead-Bartlett, seeing opportunity of winning his knightly spurs, firmly fixed his eyeglass, and felt for Logan in the front.
That the table and front Opposition Bench were not "steepled" in Logan's gore, as were the forms and benches at Dotheboy's Hall in that of Fanny Squeers's Pa, was due to diversion raised from another quarter. Irish members below Gangway, seeing the scrimmage, and noting Carson had something to do with it, moved down in body with wild "whirroo!" Saunderson, providentially in his place, sprang up and advanced to intercept the rolling flood. Crean being on crest of advancing wave found his face, by what Campbell-Bannerman would describe as a "regrettable accident." in contact with the Colonel's fist. Moreover, it was the knuckly end, scarcely less hurtful than the sharp edge of the sword which laid Walker (of London) low. Crean drew back, but only pour mieux reculer, as they say in Cork. Whilst the Colonel was standing in the attitude of pacific impartiality he later described to the Speaker, Crean dealt him an uncommonly nasty one on the chops; the thud distinctly heard amid the Babel of cries in the miniature Donnybrook below Gangway. Amid moving, struggling mass, Saunderson's white waistcoat flashed to and fro like flag of truce, to which, alas! there was no response. What became of Logan in this crisis not quite clear. Fancy I saw Walrond extricating him from the embraces of Fanny-Squeers-Ashmead-Bartlett. Mr. G. looked on with troubled face from Treasury Bench. Bartley standing up on edge of scrimmage, pointed accusatory forefinger at him, was saying something, probably opprobrious but at the moment inaudible.
"So like Bartley to go to root of matter," said George Russell, who surveyed scene from sanctuary of Speaker's chair. "Others might accuse Joseph of being responsible for disturbance by likening his old colleague and chief to iniquitous King Herod at the epoch when the worms were waiting to make an end of him. Vicary GIBBS and good Conservatives generally are sure it was Tay Pay's retort of 'Judas! Judas!' that dropped the fat into the fire. Only Bartley has cool judgment and presence of mind to point the moral of the moving scene. A striking figure in the inextricable mêlée. When his statue is added to that of great Parliamentarians in St. Stephen's Hall, the sculptor should seize this attitude."
Business done.—Home-Rule Bill through Committee; but first a real taste of Donnybrook.
AFTER THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN. EXPLANATIONS.
Friday Night.—House a little languid after excitement of last night. Attendance small; subject at morning sitting, Scotch Education; at night, Agriculture. Dr. Hunter thinks it would be nice to have Committee of Inquiry into origin and progress of last night's row. Nobody else takes that view; general impression is, we'd better forget it as soon as possible.
Business done.—Trevelyan explains Scotch Education Vote.
The Angel (in the House)'s Advocate.—Mr. Woodall.
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Page 49: 'gáteau' corrected to gâteau'. The paper was much applauded, and Gatto prends le gâteau. Page 51: "it's" corrected to "its". (... so that its impulse Be humorous not malevolent;) Page 57: 'responsility' corrected to 'responsibility' (Would you ever act upon your own responsibility?) |