THE PARLIAMENTARY BILLIARD TOURNAMENT. "A LONG BREAK."

Tuesday.—Since Parish Councils Bill went into Committee, Mr. G. has been silent in I don't know how many languages. It is highest compliment to Minister in charge of a Bill that his Leader should find it possible not only to refrain from taking part in debate, but habitually to absent himself through long periods of a sitting. Henry Fowler has earned this distinction. His management of intricate measure has been excellent; conciliating Opposition without causing revolt in sensitive ranks on own side. His Parliamentary position distinctly advanced.

To-night Mr. G. drawn into fray. It was Jokim who did it. At opening of sitting Fowler resisted Amendment by Strachey making it permissible to transfer parochial trusts to management of Parish Council. After nearly two hours' debate, Rigby put up to say that Amendment on same lines standing further down, in name of the contumacious Cobb, would be accepted. "A put-up job!" cried Goschen, sternly eyeing the irreproachable Rigby.

"A put-up job!"

This too much for Mr. G. Sat bolt upright from recumbent position in which he had listened to debate. His eyes blazed; a Jovelike frown clouded his brow; his hands moved restlessly, as, leaning a little forward in attitude to spring, he waited till the unconscious Jokim, blinking at other side of table, should sit down. Spoke for only ten minutes; his energy supernal; his voice, long unused, magnificent. "A put-up job!" he repeated in scornful tones, with sweeping gesture of the arm. Drew graphic picture of Editors of new Dictionary coming upon this phrase in Parliamentary Report citing it, as thus:—

"Job, a put-up." (The Right Hon. J. Goschen, M.P.)

Young Bloods behind Front Opposition Bench in historic corner, whose recesses Mellor's glance cannot penetrate, didn't like this. "Question! Question!" they roared. "It is a very interesting question," said Mr. G., ready for a tussle with them if they insisted. Pretty to see Jokim turn round and rebuke the Young Bloods on back Benches. He was the object of attack; on his head the vials of bubbling wrath overflowed. But Jokim has not lived in House of Commons all these years without its traditions of high courtesy and respect due to age and position being ingrained. He was shocked to hear speech of Leader of House broken in upon with noisy cries of "Question!" and, though they came from his own camp-followers, he did not hesitate to administer sharp rebuke. Business done.—Got into fresh tight place with Parish Councils Bill.

Thursday.—Quite lively to-night. Merriest evening since Home-Rule Bill left us. Began with Squire of Malwood. Gorst, who is thinking of leaving his property to found almshouses for pious ex-Solicitor-Generals, is alarmed at probable operation of this Bill. His prophetic eye sees time when Parish Council of the future will step in, snap its fingers at him (the Pious Founder); will probably introduce Conscience Clause in matutinal exercises of aged ex-Solicitor-Generals. Gorst draws up case on back of Orders; presents it in form of conundrum. Squire of Malwood hugely contemptuous. Nothing easier than to draw up trust deed in form that should obviate catastrophe foreseen by Gorst's fervid fancy.

"Just as easy," he says, "as a boy drawing an animal writes over it 'This is a lion.' You draw your trust; write 'This is an Ecclesiastical Charity,' and there you are. It will be out of purview of the Act."

This would have been all very well if Jesse Collings had not chanced to be among audience. Members evidently carried away by Squire of Malwood's sophistry. Jesse pulled them up.

"Supposing," he said, looking unutterably wise, "the boy draws an animal; writes over it, 'This is a lion,' and it turns out to be an elephant. Where are you then?"

House really didn't know; positively staggered. "Just like one of those questions the Carpenter in 'Through the Looking Glass' used to ask Alice," said George Curzon. "Floors everybody." Instead of sitting down and bravely facing difficulty suggested by Jesse's active mind, Members, catching sight of Solicitor-General contemplating nature from Treasury Bench, with one accord turned upon him. Cries of "Rigby! Rigby!" filled Chamber. Everything forgotten in excitement of this new chase. The lion lay down with the elephant, and the Squire of Malwood led them. Prince Arthur, back after a bout of influenza, joined in chase with boyish energy. Henry James and Joseph answered from opposite camp. J. G. Talbot delivered what, judging from his manner, was a funeral sermon over departed but anonymous friend; only a sentence heard here and there amid the uproar. Solicitor-General sat silent, with no other sign of consciousness than an occasional benevolent shaking of the head when the cry of "Rigby! Rigby!" rose to stormier heights.

Baiting the Solicitor-General.

At length Prince Arthur moved to report progress. With this pistol at his head, Rigby rose, and proceeded in his inimitable manner to deliver an opinion on the case. When lo! the strangest thing of all happened. Members on Opposition benches, who had made themselves hoarse in clamouring for Rigby, now when he coyly yielded to their flattering insistence on his stating his views, hurriedly left the House. But they'd had their joke, a joke two hours long. Were not going to have it spoiled by an anti-climax.

Business done.—None; but a merry night withal.

Friday.—More about Charities as affected by Parish Councils Bill. Opposition got their back up. They love the Bill more than ever; but they will not let it pass. A great deal said about charity; but there's no lovingkindness. Encouraged by hunt of last night turn again upon Solicitor-General. A thirst for information. Prince Arthur insinuatingly suggests that House would be happy if Rigby would only give his views as to the precise meaning of phrase "parochial charities." Rigby affects not to hear. Diligently makes notes on his brief with preoccupied air. Joseph runs in from behind and pulls the hair of his right hon. friend the Squire of Malwood. The Squire, nothing loath, lets fly from the shoulder. Rumpus; somebody moves Closure; Chairman takes no notice; at end of two hours Committee divide. Coming back, approach identical question from slightly different point of view; talk round it for another two hours. At twelve o'clock we go home with uneasy feeling that for all practical purposes, as far as progress of Bill is concerned, we might as well have stopped there. Business done.—None.

Erratic.—There was an odd-looking misprint in Le Figaro for Wednesday last of an "r" for an "i," so that what was intended for "la Cour d'assises à Old Bailey" read "la Cour d'assises à Old Barley." Our friend in Punch, "Old Bill Barley," would be pleased to find himself famous in French.

The Judgment of Paris.—Death to dealers in death!

Transcriber's Note: Page 282: 'glosing' is an archaic word. (Glose) n. & v. See Gloze. Chaucer. (Gloze) v. i. [imp. & p. p. Glozed; p. pr. & vb. n. Glozing.] [OE. glosen, F. gloser. See gloss explanation.] 1. To flatter; to wheedle; to fawn; to talk smoothly. Chaucer. (etc., from Webster's 1913 Online Dictionary).