IN THE COURT OF COMMON SENSE (LATE PLEAS).
(Before Mr. Justice Reason.)
His Lordship asked whether Brown v. Jones was ready?
Mr. Bands. No, my Lord. I am requested by my learned friend, Mr. Wigge (who is in the Strand), to say that unfortunately——
His Lordship (interrupting). Oh, very well! if the parties do not take sufficient interest in the matter to appear here at the proper time, I shall assume that the whole affair is frivolous, and strike it out. Next case please.
A Mr. Smith rose in the body of the Court and said that he appeared in person.
His Lordship. Is the defendant here?
Mr. Bands. I appear for the defendant, my Lord, Mr. Snooks. Allow me to say that——
His Lordship (interrupting). No, no, Mr. Bands; your turn will come by-and-by. I will hear what the plaintiff has to say first. Now you, Sir—I mean Mr. Smith—what is it all about?
The plaintiff then entered into a lengthy narrative of certain negotiations about the purchase of a house.
His Lordship (interrupting). Do you want to buy the place, now?
Mr. Smith. No, my Lord, at least——
His Lordship. You said no, and I suppose you meant what you said. And now, Mr. Bands, does you client want to sell the house?
Mr. Bands (promptly). Certainly not, my Lord; but perhaps you will allow me to explain.
His Lordship. Explanation absolutely unnecessary. No order, and Mr. Snooks, as he has gone to the expense of instructing (to my mind absolutely unnecessarily) counsel, will have the pleasure of paying for the luxury. Next case.
In this instance both the litigants appeared in person. The question in dispute was a right-of-way.
His Lordship. Now, gentlemen, although you have elected to appear before me without any intermediary, I am bound to tell you that if the matter is carried further—to superior courts—you will find yourselves both landed in heavy costs. What do you say, Mr. Johnson?
Mr. Johnson (one of the litigants). Well, of course, my Lord, I don't want that; but if I win my cause, why Mr. Thompson will have to pay for us both.
His Lordship. Come, come; I see there is a good deal of personal feeling in this matter. Take my advice and settle it amicably. I do not sit on this bench to encourage gambling, but if either of you has in his possession, what I believe was called by Mr. Box in the case of Box versus Cox, a "tossing" sixpence, you might come to an understanding in five minutes. I will wait until you have conferred with one another.
The litigants upon this invitation held a consultation.
Mr. Johnson. It is all right, my Lord. I called heads, and——
His Lordship (interrupting). I don't want to hear anything about that so long as Box and Cox—I should say, Johnson and Thompson—are satisfied, the rest is immaterial. And now, is there any further business before me?
His Lordship was informed that there were ten causes to be heard, and that all the parties were in attendance.
His Lordship. Am I to understand that not only counsel but their clients are present.
Mr. Bands (after consultation). Certainly, my Lord.
His Lordship. Then allow me to address them en bloc. Now I am quite sure that a few minutes' conversation amongst yourselves will set everything right. Commence with the very sensible assumption that anything is better than litigation, and see what comes of it. I will retire to my room to let you have a chat in comfort. When you are all ready, send for me. But mind, take my advice, and hold to the sensible assumption that anything is better than litigation.
His Lordship then retired, and the parties interested acted upon his suggestion. After a quarter of an hour's conference the Judge was summoned into Court.
His Lordship. Well, and what is the decision?
Mr. Bands (in a melancholy tone). May it please your Lordship all the cases have been settled out of court.
His Lordship. So much the better. And now as I have cleared off my entire list, I bid you an affectionate farewell.
The Court was then adjourned sine die.
Shakspeare's Advice after the L. C. C. Election.—"Furnish out a Moderate Table."—Timon of Athens, Act III., Scene 4.
