PLEASURE AND PROFIT.
[It has recently been suggested in the Author that novelists should take the management of their books entirely into their own hands.]
Happening to call lately on my friend Snooks, the eminent novelist, I was rather surprised at the change which had come over the appearance of his drawing-room. The books, which had been scattered over the table in former days, were now methodically arranged along the shelves which covered the entire walls, and in the corner, where a china cabinet had formerly stood, there now figured a sort of counter, behind which stood Snooks himself, arrayed in his shirt-sleeves.
"Ha!" he exclaimed, as I entered, "what can I have the pleasure of showing you to-day? Romances, poetry, travels——"
"Why, Snooks," I said, "don't you remember me? What on earth are you doing?"
Snooks's face fell somewhat. "Oh, it's you, is it? I thought it was a customer. You see that I've taken the Author's advice, and am managing my own affairs."
"Indeed? And how in the world——"
"Hush!" the novelist interrupted. "Here are some customers." And as he spoke four or five people entered the drawing-room, and marched up to the counter.
"A nice novel, Madam," said Snooks, just like one of Messrs. Marshall and Snelgrove's young men. "Certainly. Kindly step this way, please. Here is my Love's Dilemma, very sweet, I assure you. Yes, only four-and-six cash. Thank you.... Can I show you anything, Sir? This is in the latest style—The Decree Nisi—or I could write you something to order, if you prefer it.... Hymns, Madam? No, I am afraid I've none in stock, would a devotional sonnet do? Of course, I could make any number you require at the shortest notice.... Thank you, seven-and-sixpence change. They shall be delivered to-morrow morning. Evangelical, I think you said?... To suit a young lady—not advanced? Certainly, Sir; I can offer you my Milk and Mayblossom, published at six shillings; reduced to half-a-crown.... You didn't like Murder and Sudden Death, Sir? Well, I am surprised, it's one of my favourite productions; but I can sell you a rather milder blend, if you prefer it."
And so the conversation went on, until all the customers had been satisfied, and Snooks wiped his heated brow and turned to me. "There, you see how it works; splendid system, isn't it? No trouble with publishers or booksellers, entirely a ready-money trade, done over the counter in one's own drawing-room."
"Then all these books are your own work?" I asked.
"Of course; you don't suppose I'm fool enough to sell other people's goods? Of course I keep a large ready-made stock, and turn out others to order as required. And, as you're here, do just buy——" At this point I fled.