SOMETHING LIKE JUSTICE.
VERY MUCH ABROAD. Scene—A Foreign Land. Accused in Dock. Judge on Bench. Usual accessories.
Judge. We say you are guilty, and there is no use in denying it.
Accused. But I declare on my honour that I am innocent.
Judge. Your honour! Who ever heard of a villain's honour!
Accused. I am no villain. I swear it—yes, by my mother's grave.
Judge. So wicked a criminal deserves no mother!
[Sensation.
Accused. Oh, this is monstrous! You may insult me; but you have no right to asperse the memory of my mother.
Judge. Your mother would weep were she to see you now. She would be bowed down to the ground with shame.
Accused. Why with shame? For I am innocent.
Judge. You are guilty, I repeat. And the jury shall share with me my opinion. I am your judge, and I assert it.
Accused. Then this trial is a farce!
Judge. No, Sir; take my word for it, you will find it a tragedy!
[Trial concludes in the customary fashion.
QUITE AT HOME. Scene—An English Court. Accused in Dock. Judge on Bench. Usual accessories.
Judge. I really must request you to be silent, in your own interest.
Accused. But I plead guilty.
Judge. I do not think you know what you are doing. By saying that you committed the crime of which you are accused, you deprive yourself of the chance of acquittal.
Accused. I cannot help that. I did commit the crime—I avow it.
Judge. You are going out of your way to assume unnecessary responsibility. It is for the gentlemen of the jury to decide.
Accused. Surely I can judge for myself. I have only followed the family tradition. We are all villains.
Judge. You have no right to say so. We have to deal with you, not with your relations. Now, please, plead "Not guilty."
Accused. Anything for a quiet life! "Not Guilty."
Judge. I am infinitely obliged to you. Thank you much. Now, what might have commenced as a tragedy may end as a farce.
[Trial concludes in the customary fashion.