ROUNDABOUT READINGS.
A strange report reaches me, a rumour which (if such a course may be predicated of a mere report) opens up illimitable vistas. The dramatic critics, it would appear, have been for some time past in a state of dissatisfaction. A newspaper proprietor has been turned into a peer; editors in profusion have journeyed down to Windsor as very plain misters, and, having been tapped upon the shoulder with cold steel, have returned to the bosoms of their families as knights; a novelist, a mere teller of stories, has undergone the same process, not, it is well understood, for his own glory, but for the greater honour of Literature (capital L please); and, worst of all, an actor has survived the blood-curdling ceremony of the accolade, and has received the congratulations and gifts of other members of his profession.
Quæ cum ita sint, the dramatic critics have been very naturally asking one another why they alone should toil and moil (the "midnight oil" irresistibly suggests itself as a pleasing and perfectly appropriate rhyme) without any recognition beyond the vulgar one of a money-payment, sufficient, no doubt, to keep them in bread and beer, ties, clothes, collars, and cuffs, but utterly inadequate when considered as a reward for the services they perform on behalf of Art and the Drama. One thing led to another (it generally does); there were conversations, interchanges of ideas, meetings, and so forth; and eventually matters came to a head in the formation of a society, the members of which pledged themselves to promote by all legitimate means the claims of dramatic critics to knighthoods, baronetcies, privy-councillorships, peerages, and other rewards.
The final meeting, at which the rules were discussed and passed, and the officials appointed, began harmoniously enough. Mr. Clement Scott, proposed by Mr. Archer, and seconded by Mr. A. B. Walkley, was unanimously voted to the Chair. His opening speech was marked by great fervour. For years, he said, dramatic critics had been engaged in the thankless task of educating the public taste, and of instructing dramatic authors in the true principles of the construction of stage-plays. At last, thank heaven, they were beginning to be appreciated at their proper value. Their names were becoming household words. The average reader, when he opened his World, turned first to the article signed "W. A." The same, or a similar person, rushed breathlessly through The Speaker until he was arrested by the magic initials "A. B. W." At this point Mr. Archer intervened with the remark that for himself, he might say there was only one article, the dramatic, in the Daily Telegraph that absolutely fascinated him; and Mr. Walkley, rising immediately afterwards, observed that, having studied the essays of M. Lemaître, he had no hesitation in saying that the pungent critiques of the Telegraph were equalled, he would not say surpassed, by the masterly aperçus of stage-craft to be found in Truth and the Illustrated London News. Mr. Clement Scott was visibly affected, and having with difficulty mastered his emotion, proceeded to shake both his colleagues by the hand, and in a voice broken with sobs thanked them for their tributes. He himself, he added, had endeavoured to make the stalls and the dress circle fit places for the flower of English maidenhood, for those beautiful, blushing British girls who were at once the joy of their families and the pride of our race. He then called upon all the members present to state what titles they preferred, intimating that, by the express desire of the committee, he himself was willing to become a Duke.
Mr. Archer and Mr. Walkley having declared their preference for Marquisates, Mr. Moy Thomas said that an Earldom would satisfy his modest needs. Mr. Bendall thought Viscount sounded attractive, and chose that title; while Mr. A. E. T. Watson intimated that all he wanted was to be a Baron—Baron Badminton of Beaufort. Mr. Bernard Shaw stood by his life-long principles, and declined everything except a Privy-Councillorship. Various other gentlemen having spoken, and a complete list of titles having been arranged, the meeting was about to adjourn, when Mr. Clement Scott rose again to make a few parting observations.
"My Lords," he began amidst deafening applause, "it only remains for me to state briefly the principles by which we shall be guided. We shall not truckle to the nauseating rubbish purveyed by any Norwegian charlatan." What else he would have said must for ever remain a matter of guess-work, for at this point he was immediately set upon by Lord Archer, and torn forcibly from his chair. Baron Badminton, however, gallantly came to His Grace's assistance, and a scene of indescribable confusion ensued. Strawberry leaves were torn to tatters, and several handsome property coronets were ruthlessly trampled under foot. Order was, however, at last restored by the arrival of Sir Henry Irving with a strong force of dramatic authors armed with problem-plays. In the conflict that followed many heads were broken, but eventually the hall was cleared. It is understood that, notwithstanding this deplorable incident, the agitation is to be vigorously pursued. I shall publish any further information that may reach me.