ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
(Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.)
House of Commons, Monday, June 15.—In the mid seventies, when dear Johnny Toole was at height of well-earned fame, he for a while played three several parts on the same night. Bold advertisement announced "Toole in Three Pieces." Being just the kind of joke that has the widest run over the low level of mediocrity, it filled the gallery and upper boxes.
To-night it was recalled with fresh application. House privileged to see Premier in Three Pieces. For some weeks he has appeared at Question time in dual character as Prime Minister and Secretary of State for War. To-night takes on duties of absent Chancellor of Duchy of Lancaster. His versatility as marvellous as his industry. In response to group of five questions addressed to him "as representing the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster," bristles with minute information respecting number of livings in gift of the Duchy in West Riding of Yorkshire, together with amount of income of each benefice and nature of the security. Equally master of intricate case of the calamity overshadowing the Pontefract Cricket Club whose playing pitch has been damaged through subsidence caused by underground workings.
"I believe the Almighty has endowed us all with a certain amount of brains; but we don't all use them." (Cheers).—Mr. Tickler in the debate on the Plural Voting Bill.
Situation raised nice questions as to responsibility of the underground leaseholder and the prospect of compensation from coal royalties. Premier as fully informed on these subjects as later he proved himself when by way of Supplementary Question Amery, with pretty air of one really in search of elementary information, inquired "In whose hands is the government of Ireland at the present moment?" "In the hands of His Majesty's Ministers," said Asquith.
"The one thing borne home to me was what a genius the Irish people have for admiring each other."—Mr. Birrell.
All very well for Duchy of Lancaster. Its affairs in strong capable hands. But that does little to assuage grief of Worthington-Evans. For months before the day when Masterman, greatly daring, exchanged safe position of Secretary of Treasury for dizzy heights of Duchy of Lancaster, Worthington-Evans was daily accustomed to pose him with questions as to working of Insurance Act. In Masterman's enforced absence from House Wedgwood Benn placed in charge of Insurance Act Department. Does a difficult business exceedingly well. Has earned approval from both sides of House. But Worthington-Evans is inconsolable. His feelings find expression in couple of lines, learned at his mother's knee, descriptive of anguish of blind boy parted from his brother by ruthless hand of death:—
Oh, give my brother back to me;
I cannot play alone.
Visibly brightened up on eve of Ipswich election, which seemed to promise return of the wanderer. As to-night he sits forlorn in corner seat below Gangway to left of Speaker, gazing sadly at corner of Treasury bench opposite (once amply filled by figure of former Secretary of Treasury), Stephen Gwynne, seated next to him, gently nudges Butcher, and with softened memories of Peggotty contemplating Mrs. Gummidge in exceptionally low spirits, whispers, "He's thinking of the old 'un."
Business done.—After brief unsparkling debate Plural Voters Bill read a third time. Hostile amendment moved from Front Opposition Bench negatived by 320 votes against 242. Bill passed final stage without division.
Tuesday.—Home Rule fills the bill in both Houses. The Lords, back from brief holiday, protest against delay in introducing Amending Bill. In vigorous speech Lansdowne insists on early day being named. Crewe, wringing his hands over unreasonable ways of some people, promises Tuesday next. Adds that, if upon consideration of proposed amendments noble lords should require longer interval before Second Reading of parent measure than is provided by original fixture for 30th June, there will be no objection to postponement.
"I don't know whether the hon. Member regards me as a particularly frivolous person."
Lord Robert Cecil.
In the Commons Robert Cecil, interposing in ordered business of Supply, moves adjournment with view of calling attention to "growing danger created in Ireland by existence of volunteer forces and failure of Government to deal with situation." It is plurality of situation that disturbs philosophical mind. As long as there was but one volunteer force, its locality confined to Ulster, its purpose to defeat Home Rule Bill, its commander-in-chief Carson, it was well. Nay more, it was patriotic. But when Ulster's challenge, uttered by one hundred thousand armed men, is answered by the South and West of Ireland with creation of an army exceeding that number, whole aspect is altered. Now, as in the time when "Measure for Measure" was written—
That in the captain's but a choleric word
Which in the soldier is flat blasphemy,
Opposition, to a man, stand up to support Lord Bob's demand that matter shall be discussed as one of urgent public importance.
In course of animated speech Lord Bob delighted House by equalling, if not going one better than, the late Lord Cross's historic jeu d'esprit.
"I hear an hon. member smile," said Grand Cross on a memorable occasion.
"I wish," said Lord Bob to-night, sternly regarding hilarious Ministerialists, "those laughs could be photographed and shown throughout the country."
Suggestion will doubtless not be lost on enterprising purveyors of cinematograph shows.
There was another opportunity for the snap-shotter when, Lord Bob lamenting the "ingrained frivolity of the Radicals in this grave crisis," Arthur Markham interposed with Supplementary Question.
"What about Satan rebuking sin?" he asked.
Turning upon Member for Mansfield more in sorrow than in anger, Lord Bob remarked: "I don't know whether the hon. Member regards me as a particularly frivolous person." General and generous cheering approved this implied disclaimer, and Lord Bob returned to consideration of "the characteristic vice of the Radical Government—fear of losing their places."
Tendency to introduce personal observations cropped up from time to time through debate, which occupied greater part of sitting. Carson having genially alluded to main body of Ministerialists as "lunatics," Neil Primrose, turning upon the Wistful Winston, who hadn't been saying anything, denounced him as "a human palimpsest."
Perhaps most touching case was that of Byles of Bradford. Having long remained silent under undeserved contumely, he suddenly rose at half-past ten and irrelevantly remarked, "I cannot understand how the myth has grown up in this House that I am a blood-thirsty ruffian. Why, Mr. Speaker, I would not kill a fly."
In view of proved inconvenience, not to say danger, of unrestrained plague of flies, this protestation was received with mixed feelings.
Business done.—On division motion for adjournment of House negatived by majority of 65. After this, the House, nothing if not logical, forthwith adjourned.
POURING COLD WATER ON THE TROUBLED OIL.
(Lord Charles Beresford and Mr. Dillon.)
Thursday.—The Irish Members, long quiescent, suddenly resumed former habit of activity. House owes to Amery the pleasing variation. He cited newspaper report of remarks recently made by Captain Bellingham, aide-de-camp to the Lord-lieutenant of Ireland. Inspecting and addressing body of National Volunteers, he exhorted them to ensure triumph of Home Rule.
Was this a proper thing to do? Certainly not. St. Augustine Birrell, answering Amery's question founded on incident, stated that when Lord Aberdeen heard of matter he immediately called for explanation, and Captain Bellingham frankly acknowledged error of judgment.
Irish Members recognised that in measure the error of judgment was slight compared with Amery's in stirring up this dangerously attractive pool. As everyone knows, and as House was promptly reminded, Colonel the Marquis of Londonderry and Colonel Lord Kilmorey, aides-de-camp to His Majesty, have on more than one occasion, when inspecting Ulster Volunteers, urged them to stand indomitable in resistance to establishment of Home Rule in their Northern Province. Irish Members want to know whether these noble and gallant gentlemen have been called upon to make explanation of their conduct similar to that peremptorily exacted from Captain Bellingham.
Premier not to be drawn into delicate controversy. Pleaded lack of notice of questions put to him. Irish Members will be delighted to provide it. Shall hear more on the subject next week.
Business done.—The Infant Samuel, appearing in new calling as President of Local Government Board, carries vote for his Department by rattling majority of 127.