INTERVIEWING FATHER.
Sir George is not a nice man. He is a mercenary, narrow-minded person. I never really liked him, but then he never really liked me. However, he is Miranda's father, so I decided to interview him. The interview took place at his office. He waved me to a chair, and, as it seemed all that I was likely to get, I took it.
"Well?" Sir George grunted.
His tone indicated an unfriendly spirit, so I retorted, "Well."
There was a slight pause. Then he said, rather aggressively. "I never lend money."
"I suspected it," I replied; "I practically never borrow money, but that is my misfortune and not my fault."
"Then what can I do for you?"
"You have a daughter——"
"I have," he interrupted.
"I knew we should find a common basis of agreement. Miranda is unmarried; I am unmarried."
"You suggest marrying my daughter?"
"I make no suggestion, but the idea had crossed my mind."
"Can you keep a wife?"
"I never lost one yet. I think that with a little tact——"
"I mean, have you any money?"
"Eighteen shillings and fourpence," I answered, producing that sum as evidence of my bona fides.
"That is not a very large capital on which to start married life."
"True, but I'm not mercenary. Yet perhaps, as we seem to have drifted on to the question of money, I might mention that I have property—house property."
"I don't believe much in house property in these days."
"I don't either. Though I lay no particular stress on the matter, I also have some mortgages."
"I don't care much about mortgages."
"I agree with you. Beastly things, I call them."
"What income do you derive from the property and the mortgages?"
"I don't exactly derive any income from either. You see, the two things go together—I mean the property and the mortgages. I don't fancy the mortgagees get much income from the property, though I suppose they try their best. Perhaps, strictly speaking, I can hardly call the property mine since the mortgagees took possession. The mortgages however are undoubtedly mine. I created them, you know."
Sir George rose pompously, so I went on at once:
"I have some shares. I should like your opinion on them."
"What kind of shares?"
"The usual kind—paper, but quite nice artistic designs on them."
"In what companies?"
"I forget the names of the companies, but I think that they had something to do with rubber."
"Then you can take my advice and sell them."
"Thanks awfully," I said, "if that means that you'll buy them. I always thought that I should eventually find someone to help me out."
"I will not buy your shares. But before I finally close this interview I should like to know, as a matter of curiosity, on what you live?"
"Meat and things, like other people. I'm no vegetarian."
"I mean, how do you obtain food and clothes? I see that you do wear clothes. At present I'm a little puzzled."
"It's a matter which has often puzzled me. I get them somehow. Sometimes I work and sometimes, but not very often, I get paid for my work. I believe that if I were married I could earn more."
"What makes you think that?"
"Well, you see, I couldn't very well earn less."
"Then am I to understand that you have practically no income?"
"If it comes to that, has Miranda any income?"
"My daughter will have what I choose to allow her."
"And I shall have what I choose to earn, so it seems that we should be fairly well matched."
"Sir, I consider your request to marry my daughter an impertinence, and the flippancy with which you have conducted this interview an insult."
"Sir George," I said impressively, "be just before you are generous. If you think over the matter calmly you will recognise that I have made no such request. You are an older man than I, so I pass over anything that you may have said in the heat of the moment. I am willing to part friends."
For a moment I thought he would burst. He ignored my outstretched hand and almost shouted, "I don't care how we part, so long as we do part. You will oblige me by not seeing or communicating with my daughter again."
As I was passing through the door I remarked, "Without making any rash promises, I will endeavour to oblige you. I gather, as much from your demeanour as anything else, that you do not favour me as a suitor for your daughter's hand. As a matter of fact, I look with equal disfavour on you as a possible father-in-law. My real object in seeking this interview was to remove any misapprehension you might have on the subject."
When I was well outside the door, laughter really took hold of me for the first time since Miranda refused to marry me.
Underground Train Conductor (sulkily to passenger jumping in after train has started). "Nah then! if you'd ha' fallen dahn and broke yer neck I should 'ave been the one to suffer."
"Mr. Hartley is the proud possessor of the English championship belt for running broad jump, having cleared something over 45 feet."
The Morning Albertan.
His pride is very excusable.
"In our day when many women consider the art of managing a home beneath the dignity of their supposed sex, not everyone knows how to make a pancake."
Liverpool Daily Post and Mercury.
"Supposed" is good.
