THE KEEP-IT-DARK CITY.
[Even the more obscure of the American papers often contain important news of the doings of the British army many days before the Censor allows the information to be published in England.]
I am told that few exploits are finer
Than a battle our Blankshires have won,
So bring me The Michigan Miner,
For I'm anxious to read how 'twas done;
If The Miner's not easy to hit on,
Get The Maryland Trumpet; it treats
Of a story that's kept, to the Briton,
As dark as the Westminster streets!
As our soldiers from north of the Border
Some vital positions have stormed,
Put The Oregon Message on order
To keep me completely informed!
One moment! I've just heard a rumour
That the Germans' whole front has been cleft—
Quick! Rush for The Tennessee Boomer;
Heaven grant that a copy is left!
Each day in this keep-it-dark city,
Officials, to us, seem unkind
To censor such news without pity,
But, of course, they've an object in mind;
For a man, when his spirits touch zero
Through a natural yearning for facts,
Will enlist, and himself be a hero
Where no one can censor his ACTS!
First Patriot. "Ah! I see you haven't yet changed the name of your Eau-de-Cologne."
Second Patriot. "Pardon me, Madam. I have taken the liberty of labelling my new supply 'Cologne Water.'"