RULES FOR HERO-NAILERS.
The following notice appears daily in the Wilhelmshavener Tageblatt.
The statue to which it refers, known as "The Trusty Look-Out," represents a seaman in oilskins looking out over the North Sea. The face is that of von Tirpitz.
The Trusty Look-out.
Nails may be driven into the statue on week-days between 11 and 1, and on Sundays between 10 and 5. The sale of tickets for Nails and Shields takes place at the Treasury of the Town Hall during office hours, and also at the time for driving in Nails on the spot.
Further, tickets for iron Nails may be bought in the following shops: (here follows a list of three booksellers, one general store and six tobacco shops).
The prices are fixed at:—
0.50 m. for an iron Nail.
5.00 m. for a silver Nail.
10.00 m. for a small gold Nail.
20.00 m. for a larger gold Nail.
Anyone who buys 100, 200, 300 or 400 marks' worth of iron Nails receives a silver Shield with a corresponding inscription; similarly, a gold Shield for iron Nails to the value of 500 and more marks. Whoever changes a 10 mark gold piece receives an iron Nail free.
For the purpose of preparing inscriptions on Shields the date on which it is proposed to drive in the Nails must be notified at the Treasury three days in advance.
If clubs, societies, or other collections of people wish to drive in their Nails in private parties they are requested to get into touch with the Municipal Architect, Mr. Zopff, with a view to fixing the day and hour, in order that no delay may be caused by overcrowding.
Wilhelmshaven, 12th December, 1915.
For the Municipal Council.
(Signed) Bartelt.
Not in a spirit of carping criticism, but as earnest admirers of German forethought and thoroughness (Gründlichkeit), we feel it our duty to point out that there are a few contingencies for which these otherwise admirable regulations fail to provide, and we beg leave to suggest to the Municipal Council of Wilhelmshaven the following additions:—
(1) It is unpatriotic and un-German to spend more time than necessary in driving in nails, as standing-room, the number of hammers and the patience of the officials are all limited.
(2) The limit of time allowed for driving in one nail is one minute, for a silver nail two minutes, for a small gold nail two and a-half minutes and for a large gold nail three minutes.
(3) If in any case the time-limit is exceeded the Municipal nail-driver will displace the person whose lack of skill is responsible for the delay and will drive home the offending nail himself.
(4) If any person offers resistance to this procedure he or she will be nailed to the statue by the Municipal nail-driver as a warning to others. A large iron nail will be used for this purpose, the charge for which will be added to the death-duties.
(5) It is unpatriotic and un-German to use bad language when driving in nails. However, in view of the well-known tenderness of the human heart and the high state of nervous tension in which many persons of an ardent patriotic disposition may be expected to perform this supreme act of symbolic devotion, those who drive in iron nails will be allowed to swear once for each nail, or seven times for half-a-dozen nails, whilst a higher proportion of swear words will be allowed for silver and gold nails, on the progressive lines laid down in (2).
(6) Anyone exceeding the patriotic limit of bad language will be dealt with by the Municipal nail-driver as in (4).
(7) Classes of instruction in nail-driving will be held in the Town-hall daily between 10 and 11 A.M. (Sundays excepted).
(8) Persons who wish to be photographed in the act of nail-driving must give notice to the Municipal photographer two days in advance. The cost of the photograph will naturally be in inverse proportion to the value of the nail which is driven in.
"Bejabers! If you're gettin' on, I'm gettin' off!"
"Hon. John Fellowes Wallop, of Barton House, Morchard Bishop, brother and heir-presumptive of the Earl of Portsmouth, entered his 57th pear on Monday."
Western Times.
We congratulate him on his digestion.