EYE-WASH.
(A Military Episode in Two Scenes.)
Scene I.—The outskirts of a wood. Time, during an inspection of our Battalion "at its duties."
Second-Lieutenant Wood and his platoon are erecting a wire entanglement. To them enter Second-Lieutenant Brown in great excitement.
S.-L. Brown. I say——
S.-L. Wood. Run away, dear. No time for you. Brass hats expected in large numbers.
S.-L. B. I've lost my platoon.
S.-L. W. Have you looked in all your pockets, Freddy?
S.-L. B. I sent it up under the Sergeant, and he must have mistaken the place, strafe him! And I told the Adjutant I'd be the other side of this wood, doing Visual Training, when the General came round.
S.-L. W. (impressed at last). My hat, you're in for it! Look out, here they come.
Second-Lieutenant Brown fades into the landscape.
Enter the General and the C.O., with Staff-Captain, Adjutant and Sergeant-Major. The Platoon labours on and takes no notice. Second-Lieutenant Wood comes to attention and salutes. The General remarks on the fine physique of the men, inspects the wire entanglement and explains how he used to do it when he was a subaltern. Private Hogg, a recruit unused to Generals, stands gazing awestruck, but catches the Adjutant's eye and, gets on feverishly with his work. The cortège passes on, and the platoon heaves a sigh of relief and stands easy.
Re-enter Second-Lieutenant Brown.
S.-L. W. Go away, my good man; we've nothing for you.
S.-L. B. I say, like a good chap——They confer earnestly. Curtain.
Scene II.—The other side of the wood. Time, two minutes later.
Enter Second-Lieutenant Brown at the double with Second-Lieutenant Wood's platoon. He hurriedly gets it to work at Visual Training.
Enter General, with suite as before. The platoon carries on, taking no notice. Second-Lieutenant Brown comes to attention and salutes. The General praises the appearance of the men and explains how Visual Training was taught before the Crimean War. The Adjutant suddenly recognises Private Hogg and develops a nasty cough.
The General (to C.O. as they move away). But do you think, Colonel, that either of those smart young officers of yours would keep their heads in a sudden emergency?
The Adjutant restrains a natural desire to wink at the Sergeant-Major.
Curtain.
Tommy (home on leave). "Come on, Miss, hurry up with the lift! I've only got five days."