MANNERS AND MODES.
HOW TO APPEAR BEAUTIFUL THOUGH PLAIN:—SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SPECIMENS OF THE LATEST ART.
Dress of the day.
"Bathroom Toilettes.
"This season balls and dances, both private and public, are being given in greater numbers than ever."—Local Paper.
"A couple of ciphers, followed by a string of noughts, represents Germany's debt to France. And it looks as if the noughts are all France will get in the present generation."—Evening Paper.
But it is possible that under pressure Germany might throw in the ciphers as well.
"LOST AND FOUND.
"Address by the Lord Advocate.
"Will the party who took the wrong Umbrella from the Ante-Room, Music Hall, kindly return same in exchange for his own to ——, Music Hall?"—Scotch Paper.
An odd address for the Lord Advocate.
"Wells' 'History of the Universe' describes the slow disappearance of certain species, taking hundreds of thousands of years to do it."—Daily Paper.
In an age of hustle it is gratifying to find one eminent author approaching his work with due deliberation.
The Profiteer's Anthem.
"The Hymns to be sung will be: (1) 'All people that on earth do well.'..."—Rangoon Times.
From Surplus, the official organ of the Disposal Board:—
"Pork and Beans.
"16 oz. tins (15 ozs. Beans and Sauce, 1 oz. Pork); 21 oz. tins (20 ozs. Beans and Sauce, 1 oz. Pork)."
So the question which vexed many billets on the Western Front is now answered. There was pork in it.
"You're in luck, my boy. They've imported a genuine Mexican bandit for your knife-fight scene in 'Bad Hat, the Half-Breed.'"