VERY PERSONAL.
Just to see what it looks like with my name in it, I have been making a diary of my doings (some real, some imaginary) in the approved language of the Society and Personal column.
I am Mr. James Milfly. This is how it looks:—
"Yesterday was the fortieth birthday of Mr. James Milfly. He passed it quietly at the office and at home. No congratulatory messages were received and no replies will be sent."
"Among the outgoing passengers on the paddle steamer Solent Tortoise, on Tuesday, was Mr. James Milfly. He returned to the mainland the same evening, and will be at Southsea four days longer, after which, unless he can think of an adequate excuse, he will return to town."
"Mr. James Milfly, who recently sustained a laceration of the finger while cleaning his safety razor after use, passed another good night. The injured member is healing satisfactorily, and no further bulletins will be issued."
"The performance of The Bibulous Butler at the Corinthian Theatre last night was witnessed by Mr. James Milfly and party, who occupied two seats in the eighth row of the pit."
"Mr. James Milfly is a guest for the week-end at Acacia Lodge, Clumpton, the residence of his old friend, Mr. Albert Purges. Excellent sparrow-shooting was enjoyed after tea on Saturday in the famous home coverts from which the lodge derives its title."
"Among those unable to be present at the Duchess of Dibdale's reception on Friday was Mr. James Milfly, no invitation having reached him."
"Mr. James Milfly has been granted his wife's authority to wear on his watch-chain the bronze medal of the Blimpham Horticultural Society, won by his exhibit of a very large marrow at the society's recent show."
"Maria, Mrs. Murdon, is visiting her son-in-law, Mr. James Milfly. Her stay is likely to be a lengthy one."
"Mr. James Milfly will spend the greater part of to-morrow in London. No letters will be forwarded."
Try this for yourself. You have no idea what a sense of pomp and well-fed importance it gives you.
Kirk Elder. "Man, I'm shocked tae hear you're gaun tae get marrit tae a lassie o' nineteen."
Angus. "Och, she's the same age as ma firrst wife when I marrit her."
"THE WEATHER.
'Fair generally: night frosts,' is the forecast for the next 24 months."—Provincial Paper.
The best news for a long time.
How to Brighten Village Life.
"The exterior painting of the day school has been completed by the Vicar, assisted by the caretaker. Their appearance is greatly improved as a result."—Provincial Paper.
"—— HOTEL DINING-ROOM.
Open to Non-Residents with Orchestral Accompaniment."—Jersey Paper.
Residents, we understand, need only bring their mouth (and other) organs.
"Wanted, 'Cello (could reside in if desired)."—Provincial Paper.
The housing problem solved at last.
Smith Minor says he would rather be called Smith Secundus. There is a pleasanter sound about that qualification just now.