Theatrical and Re-assuring.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE.—The sole Lessee and Manager begs to inform his patrons, the public, that he has left no stone unturned to render it by a long way.
THE SAFEST THEATRE IN THE TWO HEMISPHERES. The mere perusal of the advertisements appearing in the daily press, furnishing the intending audience with a complete handbook of escape in the event of any sudden catastrophe, must, he feels, afford them.
REAL PLEASURE, which, owing to the precautionary measures he has taken for their protection, they may genuinely experience when securing their places for a performance in the unique fireproof auditorium.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE EXITS.—A hop, skip and a jump will take any member of the audience from any part of the house directly into the street outside in five seconds.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE has all its doors taken off their hinges the moment the performance commences.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE possesses concrete Stalls.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE, has its private boxes constructed with perforated shower-bath ceilings that drench the occupants without ceasing the entire evening.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE.—An "Apprehensive Playgoer" writes:—"We were in one continual downpour from the rising of the Curtain to its fall; and though we are all still suffering from rheumatism, our party was enabled, with the aid of umbrellas and waterproofs, to enjoy the evening's entertainment with a sense of security that was as novel as it was refreshing."
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE.—The Management provides everyone paying at the doors with a Fire-Escape, that can be left outside, and a Life Assurance Policy, available for the duration of the evening's entertainment.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE has, in every gangway, a steam fire-engine served by a fully-equipped complement of members of the London Fire Brigade, who inspire the audience with confidence by, from time to time, playing on portions of them with a five-inch hose.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE.—People recommended a cold douche by their medical adviser, cannot do better than secure a front seat in the upper boxes.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE is provided with cast-iron scenery, and has, as its Stage Manager, a retired Fire-King.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE is surrounded by a network of balconies, affording access, by iron staircases, to the roofs of all the adjacent houses in the neighbourhood.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE has in effect no walls, and is practically all "Exit."
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE can be virtually emptied before a checktaker could say "Jack Robinson!"
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE.—A "Nervous First-Nighter" writes: "Being seized the other evening in the middle of the front row of the stalls with a purely private and personal, but uncontrollable panic, I rushed from my place, and made with all the haste I could command for the street. Though, in my hurry I found it necessary to have a couple of vigorous fights of several rounds each with two box-keepers in succession, which resulted in my being eventually removed from the house, struggling with three policemen, six refreshment-stall-keepers, and nine firemen, it only took me twenty-seven minutes and a half from the time I started from my place inside till I found myself deposited in the midst of a jeering crowd on the steps of the principal entrance."
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE will set up chronic lumbago in the Dress Circle.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE is the dampest Public Lounge in Europe.
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE may be visited freely by pleasure-seekers, in whom, as Members of Burial Clubs, their families take a lively interest.
REAL PLEASURE, to be experienced nightly by those who pay a visit to
THE ROYAL UNINFLAMMABLE THEATRE, affording the only recognised Incombustible Entertainment on record.
SEA-SIDE WEATHER STUDIES. STORMY. THREE PIC-NIC PARTIES SUDDENLY INTERRUPTED BY THE RAIN.