ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday August 22.—Peers at last face the inevitable. As records have shown there has been for week or two no work for them to do. Still, they have eased their tender consciences by assembling to see Halsbury take the Woolsack. (Always a pleasing spectacle. Innate grace of Lord Chancellor comes out in every step and gesture.) To-night there was, as usual, nothing to do; but Noble Lords really could not again make believe that Nation could not get on without them. So stayed away, and for one night House of Lords abolished.
In Commons at hour for commencing public business barely a quorum present. Both Front Bench and Treasury Bench vacant. George Balfour, always ready to throw himself into breach, took possession of seat of Leader of Opposition, and calmly gazed across table. Never should it be said as long as he had seat in House that Liberals were as sheep without a shepherd. Few Members on back benches visibly brightened up at sight of veteran volunteer.
Only a few questions, but unwonted difficulty in getting through them. Some cases the questioner not present. In others Minister addressed not yet arrived. McArthur had question down pretty early in list. Speaker called upon him. No response. Went on to next question. Quarter of an hour later, all other questions run through. McArthur coming in put his question to Parliamentary Secretary for Foreign Affairs. Fergusson, who had also just arrived, supposing that McArthur had put question in due course, apologised to him for not having been in his place; whereat House laughed uproariously. Very grateful in these times for anything that looks like joke.
P. Stanhope brought under notice of Home Secretary case of enterprising parish constable in North Hunts. P.C., a supporter of Her Majesty's Government, resented Liberal candidate presenting himself before constituency. Determined he should not be heard. Brought down enormous rattle; swung it about throughout candidate's speech. Joseph Gillis pricked up his ears. What a notion this would be for adaptation to Parliamentary usage! Suppose he had rattle and swung it whilst Saunderson or Johnston were speaking? Will consult Speaker as to how far this would be in order. Home Secretary declined to be responsible for either parish constable or his rattle.
Business done.—Votes on Supply.
Tuesday.—Lords sat ten minutes to-night. Home to dinner, with sense of deserving well of country.
Commons at work again in Supply. Considered Vote for Science and Art Department, South Kensington. Cavendish-Bentinck contributed one or two speeches of great interest. Thin attendance, and prevalent air of lassitude. But, whilst on legs, C.-B. riveted attention. Very indignant with neglect of Art in common life. Old Members accustomed to Right Hon. Gentleman's little trick, of which he is sole repository. But new Members tremble, and grow pale, as, when denouncing any person or practice, Right Hon. Gentleman mysteriously raises his hair till it stands on end. Once this phenomenon came about when he denounced certain weighing-machines, which, he said, had recently been put up at London railway stations. Tops of this machine, he said, were supported by two columns, one supposed to be Ionic, and the other Doric.
"As matter of fact," said C.-B., his hair slowly uprising, "they're neither one thing nor the other, but simply German!"
As he spoke, fixed fiery eye on Home Secretary. Matthews, so accustomed to be badgered, and feeling his perfect innocence in this respect, shook his head. Phenomenon witnessed again when Bentinck discovered that picture, bought at Christie's for 120 guineas, subsequently sold to National Gallery for 400. Hair rose in angry protest.
Business done.—Thirteen Votes passed.
Thursday.—Dreary wilderness of House of Commons blossomed to-night like a rose-garden. Yesterday, and for days before, empty benches and a fagged remnant wrestling with routine votes. To-night House crowded, and buzz of excitement filled chamber. Gladstone going to move hostile Resolution on Government proposal to proclaim Land League. Every Member in town early in his place. Members from afar arrived post haste. Even Randolph, temporarily returns. Old Morality smiles ghastly smile of welcome, but knees tremble as he wonders what Randolph means to do. The O'Gorman Mahon back again, Parnell having elected him for Carlow County. The old boy as young as ever, and full of reminiscences of his early Parliamentary career, which goes back immeasurable distance.
C. Br-dl-gh.
"Ah," he said, looking at the Mace, "there it is agin. I remimber well the afternoon—we always sat in the afternoon thin—when Cromwell came down, and said, 'Take away that bauble, ye spalpeens, or I'll make it worse for ye.' I was younger then, Toby me bhoy, indade quite a young man."
Old boy's limp is, I fancy, getting better. He has suffered it for some years now. Seems that one day towards the close of last century Burke flung dagger on floor of House by way of peroration. Weapon rebounded, and struck The Mahon on the instep. If you step into the lavatory with him, he'll show you the scar.
"A mere thrifle, a mere thrifle, acushla! They were lively bhoys when I was in me proime."
Gladstone in fine form and excellent voice. Honoured occasion by donning one of his biggest collars and a new necktie. Curious proof of his persuasiveness how he gradually talked his necktie round till knot rested under left ear. Balfour squealed forth his disapprobation for upwards of an hour. Rather a pitiful spectacle, the more so by reason of the contrast.
"He should try to avoid immediately following Gladstone," said Randolph, looking down contemptuously at his former friend.
Best speeches after first, longo intervallo, were Bradlaugh's and Robertson's, the Scotch Solicitor-General. Conservatives quite forgotten their old animosity to Member for Northampton. As for Parnellites, cheer him madly as they do Parnell. Certainly Bradlaugh has acquired House of Commons' manner. Speeches in good style and full of point.
Quite a treat to hear such speech as Robertson's from Treasury Bench. Mem. for Markiss. Why not double his salary, and let him speak from Matthews's brief, and, above all, from Balfour's?
Business done.—Debate on Proclamation of National League.
Friday.—Amphibious old Warrior, who has been Admiral afloat, Generalissimo ashore, and is now Member for County Carlow, reappeared to-night, and took oath. It was a moving scene. Old veteran got up in rather young-looking costume, light tweed, with white waistcoat, in cut what young beau of twenty might wear.
"Why, Colonel," said Cyril Flower, a judge of these things, "you look younger than ever in your new suit!"
Lord H-rt-ngt-n's attitude towards Mr. Gl-dst-ne.
"New, bedad," says The Mahon, "why I had 'em made to go to the wedding of William and Mary. All Mimbers of Parliament invoited; special seats in Abbey; and, what's more, a good luncheon at Bellamy's. Haven't worn suit lately; thought it would do for this festive occasion."
The Mahon's advance to table to take oath a triumphal progress. Members on both sides cheered like mad. The Colonel stopped half way, and, facing friends and countrymen, blew them a kiss from tips of fingers. Turning to Ministerialists, who joined in applause he bowed gracefully. Clerks had greatest difficulty in convoying him to Speaker's Chair. Broke away from escort, and shook hands with Old Morality. No joke when The Mahon shakes hands. Pumps away violently for several moments, as if ship were leaking, and all depended on him. Next got hold of Balfour, and avenged long woes of Ireland. At last got at Speaker. Thought he'd never let go. Pumped away till the Speaker had hardly breath to call "Order! order!" Finally flopped himself down next to Gladstone, on Front Bench, and gave him fearful shaking up.
This, liveliest episode in debate. Some pretty good speaking, but everyone sick to death of topic.
A little movement of interest when Hartington rose; but happiest moment when bell rang, and Division actually at hand. Business done.—Proclamation of Land League approved.