MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
Social.
"Dear me, how surprisingly your voice has strengthened since I last heard you sing;" i.e., "Roars like a town-bull, and fancies himself a Lablache!"
"I saw quite a ring round your picture at the Academy to-day;" i.e., "If only he had heard them laugh!"
"Won't you stop and have some lunch?" i.e., "Couldn't help asking him, as the confounded luncheon-bell rang a peal; but if he has any manners or consideration he'll say, 'No, thank you,' and go."
"I know your face so well—but I am such a bad hand at names;" i.e., "Never saw him before in my life!"
"Pray allow me to get it;" i.e., "Catch me moving!"
"You know you can trust me implicitly;" i.e., "May be a good story to tell."
"He has such wonderful wit;" i.e., "An unfailing flow of rudeness which he calls repartee."
"Rather satirical, yes: but she has marvellous insight into character;" i.e., "She has been complimenting me."
Platformulars.
"These, then, are the arguments;" i.e., "They're all yawning—must end somehow."
"A crushing reply;" i.e., a retort discourteous, in which all the points of the attack are adroitly evaded.
"After the magnificent oration to which we have just listened with so much delight, I feel that anything that I can say must be in the nature of an anti-climax;" i.e., "Confound him! Why will he take all the 'fat' to himself, and cut the ground from under a fellow's feet?"
"I have the greatest possible pleasure in presiding over this magnificent assembly on this memorable occasion;" i.e., "Place is like a malodorous oven, and I wish to goodness it were all over."
Parliamentary.
"I appeal to that consideration which the House always extends to a new Member, &c.;" i.e., "Mean to make them sit up a bit, but must come the conventional modest."
"The Honourable and Gallant Gentleman has fulfilled his task with all the ability that might naturally be expected;" i.e., "With none worth mentioning."
"I rise to order;" i.e., "To raise disorder."
Epistolatory.
"Let me be the first, dear, to congratulate you on your well-merited good fortune;" i.e., "She has the deuce's own luck, and doesn't deserve it."
"Thank you so much for your beautiful present, which I shall value for its own sake as well as for the giver's;" i.e., "Wouldn't give twopence for the two of 'em."
"So good of you to send me your new book. I shall lose no time in reading it;" i.e., "No; not a single second."
At a Dance.
"So you prefer to stand out of this dance, dear?" i.e., "Trust her for being a willing 'Wallflower.'"
"Shall we sit this out on the stairs?" i.e., "I don't want to dance, and I do want to spoon."
A Little Music.
"Well, dear, the only song I can remember, without music, is 'Gasping'—but I'll try that, if you like;" i.e., "Her great song, which she has been grinding up to sing to—or rather at—young Fitz-Floss. Won't she be wild?"
"Well, your Beethoven bits are lovely, dear, we know; but suppose you give us something lighter, for once;" i.e., "Beethoven, indeed! Bessie Bellwood is more her style."
Channel Passage.
"Well, it may be a bit lively when we get out;" i.e., "You won't know whether you are on your head or your heels in ten minutes."
Curiomania.
"I've never seen such a collection of curios in my life!" i.e., "Hope I never may again!"
"I'm no great judge of such things, but I should say this specimen is unique;" i.e., "It is to be hoped so!"
"Ex-qui-site!!!" i.e., "Rubbish!"
Railroad Amenities.
"Awfully noisy carriages on this line;" i.e., "Thank goodness! The clatter has tired even his stentor throat."
"Good-bye! So sorry we don't travel farther together;" i.e., "Hooray! Now for feet up and forty winks!"
Preparing for Private Theatricals.
"I'm sure you will be a great acquisition to my little company;" i.e., "Awful stick, but a pis aller I'm afraid."
"Now if there's anything you notice not quite the thing, pray mention it. I'm not above taking a hint;" i.e., "Nor you up to giving one—of any value."
"Oh, no doubt you're right, though it's not the way Charles Mathews did it;" i.e., "That's a nasty one for you, Mr. Meddler."
"Ah, yes, I was a little off colour, perhaps; but I shall be all right on the night, you bet!" i.e., "Not going to be dictated to by you anyhow."
"Stands Scotland (Yard) where it Did?"—Yes; only more so. And how kind and thoughtful of the Government to order that the materials for building the new Police Offices should be found and fashioned by the Dartmore convicts. Quite a labour of love!
Correspondent, in Times of Saturday, showed that, in Spite of increase of population, there has been a decrease of drunkenness. In 1884-85 there were 183,221 drunken Police-court cases; but in 1887-88 only 166,366. Anti-temperance persons will look upon this as "a Drop too much."
Pictures of the Year that no Patron of Art can possibly Overlook.—Those that are sky'd.