"NUTS" FOR THE COAL TRADE.
[Under the 29th Section of the Weights and Measures Act "the person in charge of the vehicle," when coal-frauds are perpetrated, seems to be alone punishable.]
Not a sack was full, not a weight was true,
As the coals to their cellar we hurried;
Not an eye could see were they many or few
In the crypt where our cobbles we buried.
We buried them gaily, at luncheon time,
All Acts of Parliament spurning;
There were "Kitchens," composed of slate and slime,
And Wallsend, "dimly burning."
No fussing servants surveyed our cart—
(If they had, we'd have kept them shivering)
—They were busy serving the family tart
At our chosen hour for delivering!
Few and brief the remarks we made;
Not of coals, but of beer, we chattered;
And we thought of the tricks of an opulent trade
As the coal-dust we liberally scattered.
We thought of our "dealer," our wealthy boss,
How he's spared by the law just created;
How we carmen are made to suffer the loss
When for fraud by a Court we are "slated."
Lightly they'll talk of his "ha'porth of sack,"
On his weights make unhandsome reflection;
But little he'll reck, as fines fall on our back,
And he's "doubly-screened" from detection!
But half of our "heavy task" was done
When a spy of the Council—drat it!—
Came pushing his nose in our sacks, every one,
Tried our weights, and our bill—looked at it!
Slowly and sadly we slunk out of sight,
Objecting to get into hobbles;
We breathed no farewell, and we said no good-night,
But we left him alone with the cobbles!
Last Report.—The Dean and Chapter of Westminster have discharged a Canon. No one was seriously injured.