MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
Auctioneering.
"Elegant Queen Anne Cottage;" i.e., Delightful—if you could only live entirely in the porch.
"A Bijou Residence;" i.e., Last occupant was a lady, with tastes as dubious as her character.
"A First-class Family Mansion;" i.e., Two large reception-rooms, and the rest kennels.
"An Eligible Surburban Residence;" i.e., A stucco box, with two bay-windows, a slate roof, and a romantic or aristocratic name—"Killiecrankie," "Glaramara," or "Penshurst," for choice.
Social.
"Let me congratulate you on that last Article of yours in the 'Flail.' Awfully smart, and will make some of them 'sit up' a bit!" i.e., Most malicious thing I ever read, and will make him hosts of enemies.
Music.
"I can't play without my Notes—if I'd only known;" i.e., She should have asked me to dinner, not merely to come in in the evening. Bah!
"Thanks very much; I'll look at my list, and see what night I've got free;" i.e., Catch me accepting. Awfully slow party.
Platformulars.
"I was told that the people of Furseborough were devoted to the good cause, but I never expected such enthusiasm as they have displayed to-night;" i.e., Why the deuce don't they cheer all together, instead of clapping here and clapping there? Must try to stir them up.
"Now you are an audience of intelligent men;" i.e., I wish that bald-headed old fool, with a wart on his nose, would sit in a back row where I couldn't see him.
"You have all heard the details of what took place in a certain district, not so very long ago;" i.e., I wish devoutly I could remember the details, the name of the district, and the date. However, they don't know, so it's all right.
"By that remark I am suddenly reminded of an incident, &c.;" i.e., Here's an opportunity for bringing in that carefully prepared story!
"A moral victory;" i.e., Any electoral defeat which "sheer fudge" can extenuate, or party sophistry explain away.
Editorial.
"Regret that it's not suitable to this Magazine;" i.e., Rot.
"Mr. So-and-So's MS. is under consideration;" i.e., Beneath it.
After a Song.
"Who's that by?" i.e., Not that I care. But I'm nearest.
In a Studio.
"Ah! That's a picture!" i.e., And a thoroughly bad picture too.
In Court.
"It will be within your Ludship's recollection;" i.e., Your Ludship has been asleep and forgotten all about it.
"As your Ludship pleases;" i.e., Stupid old Foozle!
Military.
"Must do it for the sake of the Regiment;" i.e., An excuse for any folly or extravagance, from keeping a pack of hounds to entertaining Royalty.
"All our Privates (off parade) wear gloves and carry canes;" i.e., Colonel of Militia regiment, safe in the knowledge that the Battalion he commands is three hundred miles away, thinks it wise to indulge in a little fancy portraiture.
Journalistic.
"It is reported, on reliable authority, that at the Cabinet Council which took place yesterday afternoon, &c.;" i.e., The "authority" in question being the cook's assistant's boy, who had taken in the Under-Secretary's lunch, and had half-a-minute's confidential conversation with the office messenger on the back staircase.
"On the fall of the Curtain, there seemed to be some division of opinion among the audience;" i.e., A boy in the gallery hissed.
"The Prisoner, who did not appear to appreciate the very serious, &c.;" i.e., Formula to be used in all cases of crime of more than ordinary brutality.
"Much curiosity prevails in literary circles respecting the authorship of that very remarkable Novel, 'Flat as a Pancake.'" (Advt.)