JUSTICE AT HIGH-PRESSURE.
(Or what it has nearly come to in Judges' Chambers.)
Scene—Room in Royal Courts divided by railing into two parts. First part occupied by Chief Clerk seated in front of table covered with papers. Second part filled with Solicitors' Clerks hustling one another in the endeavour to attract attention. List for the day's causes about six yards long.
Chief Clerk (after three hours' hard work). Now, Gentlemen, one at a time. Smith versus Brown!
Six Solicitors' Representatives (speaking together). Won't take a minute in—only an order to——
Chief Clerk. One at a time, Gentlemen! Who has the conduct of this matter?
First Solicitor's Representative. I have, Sir. It's an order to sell some freehold land. We have half a dozen valuations, and we want you to decide the conditions of sale.
Chief Clerk. Hand in the documents, and let the matter be submitted to the conveyancing counsel for a draft. Adjourned for a week. Next, please! Jones versus Robinson!
Second Solicitor's Representative (forcing his way to the front). This suit has been going on for six years, and we have got to second further consideration. By the recent statute, Sir, you now have to tax the costs.
Chief Clerk. Very well; hand them in, and when I have looked through them I will give you an appointment to proceed. Next, please! Snooks versus Tompkins!
Third Solicitor's Representative. Settlement of certificate. There are eighteen parties to this suit, and we have seventeen present—the eighteenth would be here, but I fancy the gentleman in charge of the matter has the influenza, and——
Chief Clerk (relieved). Oh, very well, then; as we can't proceed behind his back, we must adjourn it. Shrimp versus Lambkin!
Fourth Solicitor's Representative (promptly). Rather a hard case, Sir. One of the beneficiaries, who presumably is entitled to the interest on £20,000 for six years, is in urgent need of five pounds, and——
Chief Clerk (looking at summons). Are you opposed?
Fifth Solicitor's Representative. Certainly, Sir; although my client instructs me to say that he too considers it a hard case, and——
Chief Clerk (interrupting). I have no power, then, to make an order; but, of course, if you like, I will put it in the Judges' list. Application refused. Bunkum versus Tinsel!
Sixth Solicitor's Representative. Remuneration of Receiver, Sir. You have the papers.
Chief Clerk (glancing at documents). I think the Receiver had some special trouble in the matter.
Sixth Solicitor's Representative. Yes, Sir. I appear for him, and he tells me he has employed six clerks.
Chief Clerk. Quite so—commission at seven per cent. Peace versus Goodwill!
Seventh Solicitor's Representative. Proceed with accounts. We object to item 29—grave-stone to testator. Will said that the funeral was to be of the simplest character, and——
Chief Clerk. I see. Disallowed. What other items are objected to?
Seventh Solicitor's Representative. Nos. 33, 44, 87, 136, 150 to 506 inclusive: but, Sir, as some of these may take some time, and we are not quite prepared——
Chief Clerk. Very well. Adjourned for three months. Wyld versus Shepherd and Others!
Eighth Solicitor's Representative. We wish to suspend the Manager of the Restaurant in this matter. It is alleged that he——
Chief Clerk (who has glanced at the papers). I shall not deal myself with this matter, but put it in the Judges' list. And now, Gentlemen, as I have to attend his Lordship in his own Chambers, I am afraid the other matters must be adjourned to another occasion.
[Exit into inner Apartment hurriedly.
Ninth Solicitor's Representative. And he has only got to number seventeen on the 11:30 list! Too bad!
Chorus of Solicitors' Representatives. Another morning wasted! But it's not his fault; he works hard enough! But, why don't they get enough men to do the business?
[Exeunt to appease their clients, who are impatiently waiting to hear the result of their various applications. Forcible language, and Curtain.