THE DIVORCE SHOP.
"A Nation of Shopkeepers!" Well, that old jeer
May fall with small sting on an Englishman's ear,
For 'tis Commerce that keeps the world going.
But this kind of Shop? By his bâton and hunch,
The thought of it sickens the spirit of Punch,
And sets his cheek angrily glowing.
The Philistines, Puritans, Podsnaps, and Prigs
Of Britain play up some preposterous rigs,
And tax e'en cosmopolite charity.
But here is a business that's not to be borne;
Its mead is the flail and the vial of scorn,
Not chaffing or Christmas hilarity.
The Skunk not indigenous, Sirs, to our Isle?
The assertion might well bring a cynical smile
To the lips of a critical Yankee.
The vermin is here; he has set up a shop,
And seems doing a prosperous trade, which to stop
Demands more than mere law's hanky-panky.
Poor Law's tangled up in long coils of Red Tape,
She's the butt for each Jeremy Diddler's coarse jape,
Every filthy Paul Pry's ghoulish giggle.
John Bull, my fine fellow, wake up, and determine
To stamp out the lives of the venomous vermin
Who round your home-hearth writhe and wriggle.
'Ware Snakes! No, Punch begs the ophidian's pardon!
The slimiest slug in the filthiest garden
Is not so revolting as these are,
These ultra-reptilian rascals, who spy
Round our homes, and, for pay, would, with treacherous eye,
Find flaws in the wife e'en of Cæsar.
Find? Well, if unable to find they will make,
No, the loathliest asp that e'er lurked in the brake
To spring on the passer unwary,
Was not such an anguis in herbâ as this is,
Mean worm, which of all warning rattles and hisses
Is so calculatingly chary.
The Spy sets up Shop! And what has he for sale?
False evidence meant to weight Justice's scale,
Eavesdroppings, astute fabrications,
The figments of vile keyhole varlets, the fudge
Of venal vindictiveness. Faugh! the foul sludge
Reeks rank as the swamp's exhalations.
Paul Pry, with a poison-fang, ready to bite
In the pay of home-hate or political spite,
Is a portent as mean as malignant.
The villain is vermin scarce worthy of steel,
His head should lie crushed 'neath the merciless heel
Of honesty hotly indignant.
