THE MAN-TRAP!
A Thrilling Moral Musical Sensation Sketch in One Scene.
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.
William (a Good Boy). Mr. Harry Nicholls. } who have kindly
Thomas (a Bad Boy). Mr. Herbert Campbell. } offered their services.
Benjamin (neither one thing nor the other). Mr. Samuel Super.
The Monster Man-trap Mr. George Conquest.
Scene—An elaborate set, representing, on extreme left, a portion of the high road, and wall dividing it from an orchard; realistic apple-and pear-trees laden with fruit. Time, about four o'clock on a hot afternoon. Enter William and Thomas, hand-in-hand, along road; they ignore the dividing wall, and advance to front of stage.
Duet.—William and Thomas.
Wm. I'm a reg'lar model boy, I am; so please make no mistake.
It's Thomas who's the bad 'un—I am good!
Thos. Yes, I delight in naughtiness for naughtiness's sake,
And I wouldn't be like William if I could!
Chorus.
Wm. Ever since I could toddle, my conduct's been model,
There's, oh, such a difference between me and him!
Thos. While still in the cradle, I orders obeyed ill,
And now I've grown into a awful young limb!
Together. Yes, now; {he's} grown into a awful young limb.
{I've }
I've made up my mind not to imitate him!
[Here they dance.
Second Verse.
Wm. If someone hits him in the eye, he always hits them back!
When I am struck, my Ma I merely tell!
On passing fat pigs in a lane, he'll give 'em each a whack!
Thos. (impenitently.) And jolly fun it is to hear 'em yell!
Chorus.
Third Verse.
Wm. He's always cribbing coppers—which he spends on lollipops.
Thos. (A share of which you've never yet refused!)
Wm. A stone he'll shy at frogs and toads, and anything that hops!
Thos. (While you look on, and seem to be amused!)
Chorus.
Fourth Verse.
Wm. As soon as school is over, Thomas goes a hunting squirr'ls,
Or butterflies he'll capture in his hat!
Thos. You play at Kissing in the Ring with all the little girls!
Wm. (demurely.) Well, Thomas, I can see no harm in that!
Chorus.
Fifth Verse.
Wm. Ah, Thomas, if you don't reform, you'll come to some bad end!
Thos. Oh, William, put your head inside a bag!
Wm. No. Thomas, that I cannot—till you promise to amend!
Thos. Why, William, what a chap you are to nag!
[Chorus and dance. Thomas returns to road, and regards the apple-trees longingly over top of wall.
Thos. Hi, William, look ... what apples! there—don't you see? And pears—my eye! just ain't they looking juicy!
Wm. Nay, Thomas, since you're bent upon a sin, I will walk on, and visit Benjamin!
[Exit William (L. 2. E.), while Thomas proceeds to scale the wall and climb the boughs of the nearest pear-tree. Melodramatic Music. The Monster Man-trap stealthily emerges from long grass below, and fixes a baleful eye on the unconscious Thomas.
Thos. I'll fill my pockets, and on pears I'll feast!
[Sees Man-trap, and staggers.
Oh, lor—whatever is that hugly beast! Hi, help, here! call him off!...
The Monster.
'Tis vain to holler—
My horders are—
all trespassers to swoller!
You just come down—I'm waiting 'ere to ketch you.
(Indignantly.) You don't expect I'm coming up to fetch you!
Thos. (politely.) Oh, not if it would inconvenience you, Sir!
(In agonised aside.) I feel my grip grow every moment looser!
[The Monster, in a slow, uncouth manner, proceeds to scramble up the tree.
Oh, here's a go! The horrid thing can climb!,
Too late I do repent me of my crime!
[Terrific sensation chase! The Monster Man-trap leaps from bough to bough with horrible agility, and eventually secures his prey, and leaps with it to the ground.
Thomas (in the Monster's jaws). I'm sure you seem a kind, good-natured creature—
You will not harm me?
Monster. No—I'll only eat yer!
Thomas
slowly vanishes down its cavernous jaws; faint yells are heard at intervals
—
then nothing but a dull champing sound; after which, dead silence. The
Monster
smiles, with an air of repletion.
[Re-enter William, from R., with Benjamin.
Benjamin. I'm very glad you came—but where is Thomas?
Wm. (severely). Tom is a wicked boy, and better from us,
For on the road he stopped to scale a wall!...
[Sees Man-trap, and starts.
What's that?
Benj. It will not hurt good boys at all—
It's only Father's Man-trap—why so pale?
Wm. The self-same tree!... the wall that Tom would scale!
Where's Thomas now? Ah, Tom, the wilful pride of you!
[The Man-trap affects an elaborate unconsciousness.
Benj. (with sudden enlightenment). Man-trap, I do believe poor Tom's inside of you!
That sort of smile's exceedingly suspicious.
[The Man-trap endeavours to hide in the grass.
Wm. Ah, Monster, give him back—'tis true he's vicious,
And had no business to go making free with you!
But think, so bad a boy will disagree with you!
[William and Benjamin kneel in attitudes of entreaty on either side of the Man-trap, which shows signs of increasing emotion as the song proceeds.
| Benjamin (sings). | William (sings). |
| Man-trap, bitter our distress is | In his downward course arrest him! |
| That you have unkindly penned | (He may take a virtuous tack); |
| In your innermost recesses | Pause awhile, ere you digest him. |
| One who used to be our friend! | Make an effort—bring him back! |
[The Man-trap is convulsed by a violent heave; William and Benjamin bend forward in an agony of expectation, until a small shoe and the leg of Thomas's pantaloons are finally emitted from the Monster's jaws.
Benj. (exultantly). See, William, now he's coming ... here's his shoe for you!
The Man-trap (with an accent of genuine regret), I'm sorry—but that's all that I can do for you!
Wm. (raising the shoe and the leg of pantaloons, and holding them sorrowfully at arm's length).
He's met the fate which moralists all promise is
The end of such depraved careers as Thomas's!
Oh, Benjamin take warning by it be-time!
(More brightly). But now to wash our hands—'tis nearly tea-time!
[Exeunt william and Benjamin, to wash their hands, as Curtain falls. N.B. This finale is more truly artistic, and in accordance with modern dramatic ideas, than the conventional "picture."
"A Montagu! A Montagu!"—Our common-sense Magistrate, Mr. Montagu Williams, heavily fined a steam-rolling demon, which comes in our streets as anything but a boon and a blessing to men and horses. À propos of this "worthy beak," when are his "Reminiscences" to appear? The book is bound,—no, not yet, or it would have been published,—but, when it is ready, it is bound to be amusing.
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