TAKEN FROM THE FRENCH PLAYS.
Scene—Her Majesty's Theatre. Enter Mr. and Mrs. Brown.
Brown (to Boxkeeper, with the air of a Sovereign conferring an Order upon a faithful subject). There's sixpence for a programme.
Boxkeeper. Very sorry, Sir, but it isn't a programme; it's a Book of the Argument, and we have to pay that for it ourselves!
Brown (resenting the information). Oh, bother! Then I'll do without it.
Mrs. Brown (annoyed). Why didn't you get a book? You know we'll never understand it without one.
Brown. Nonsense, my dear! It's a distinct advantage to trust to one's own resources.
[Curtain goes up, and discovers a number of male characters, who come on and go off severally.
Mrs. Brown. What are they talking about?
Brown. Oh, all sorts of things. (Enter Mlle. Darlaud, as Lydie Vaillant.) Ah! you see this is the heroine.
Mrs. Brown. Is it? (Examining her through opera-glass.) Very simple frock. I think I shall have one like it.
Brown (dreading a dress-maker invasion). Oh, it wouldn't suit you at all. You always look better in silks and satins.
[Entr'acte over. Second Act, Madame Pasca appears, and is admirable.
Mrs. Brown (deeply interested). Charley, dear, she's wearing Russian net, and you know you can get it at——
Brown (hurriedly). Hush, you are disturbing everybody.
Mrs. Brown (at end of Second Act). What was it all about?
Brown. Oh, didn't you see. It was a castle, and a number of tourists were shown round the pictures by an old servant. Excellent!
Mrs. Brown. I do so wish you would get a book.
Brown. Oh, we can do without it now—the piece is nearly over.
[Third Act is played, and Curtain falls.
Mrs. Brown. Well, what was that about?
Brown. Oh, didn't you see they had breakfast—and with tea too, not with wine. Very strange how English customs are spreading.
[Tableau I. of Act III. is played. Considerable applause.
Mrs. Brown. I don't quite understand that.
Brown. You don't! Why, it's as simple as possible. Paul Astier arrived late, and dressed for dinner. Excellent!
Mrs. Brown. But what's the plot?
Brown. Oh, that's of secondary importance—the piece is a clever skit upon modern manners! (Tableau II. is played.) Capital! Wasn't Madame Pasca good when she wanted a glass of water?
Mrs. Brown. Quite too perfect! And her velvet and satin gown was absolutely lovely! (With determination.) I shall get one like it!
Brown (alarmed). I am not so sure! You look better in muslins.
[Last Act is played, and Paul Astier is shot dead.
Mrs. Brown (much affected). Oh! what did they do that for?
Brown. Don't you see—the reward of life. Hence the title. (Subsequently in the cab.) Wasn't it good? Didn't you enjoy yourself?
Mrs. Brown. Very much indeed, but I do wish you had got a book! (To herself.) Let me see—green velvet over white satin. (Aloud.) It will take about eighteen yards!
Brown (waking up). Eighteen yards of what?
Mrs. Brown. Oh, nothing! I was only thinking.
[Scene closes in upon a mental vision of the dress-maker from opposite points of view.
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