ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, March 17.—St. Patrick's Day in the evening. Every Irish Member carries in buttonhole bit of withered grass; at least looks like withered grass. Dick Power says it's shamrock. Anyhow it leads to dining-out, and business to fore being nothing more important than voting a few millions sterling for the Navy, House almost empty.
"So much the better for me," says Georgie Hamilton, in charge of Navy Estimates; "the fewer Members the more Votes."
So it proved. Whilst Georgie descanting on excellence of Naval Administration, House so empty that Count moved. A little hard this on a Minister in charge of most important department of State; but, after all, Votes were the thing, and Votes were taken hand-over-hand. Georgie's oration being cut short by attempt to Count he sat down, and as quick as Chairman could put question £3,312,500 of our hard-earned money was voted. Hadn't been in the House five minutes when bang went another million. Only half-a-dozen of us present, including Wilson of Hull, who sat on edge of Bench, with hat in hand, staring at Courtney, as he ticked off million after million. For myself, as representing a Constituency of the Gentlemen of England, grew rather to like it. Something exhilarating in the consciousness that you, being one of eight Members representing the House of Commons, can say "Aye" or "No" to proposal to vote a million sterling more or less. "The question is," says Courtney, "that a sum not exceeding £1,103,200 be voted to Her Majesty on account of sums falling due for victualling, clothing and Naval establishments. Those that are of that opinion, say 'Aye;' contrary 'No.'"
Well, what shall you do? Pretty stiff sum; get a pretty lot of victuals for the million; several suits of clothes for the £103,000. Should you, just to show your independence, knock off the odd £200? No. Barks likes the thing done generously. Why throw in a note of discord? Besides, it doesn't all come out of your pocket. So you say "Aye;" Georgie Hamilton nods in grateful appreciation; Courtney seems relieved; the thing's done, and you walk out with a glowing consciousness of having behaved handsomely.
Slight coolness sprung up between Old Morality and Grandolph. Of late been on rather friendly terms, despite occasional kicking over of the traces by Grandolph.
"Boys will be boys," Old Morality says, smiling genially on his young friend. To-day little hitch arisen; Grandolph has sent to papers text of his Memorandum addressed to First Lord of Treasury in 1888, warning them against appointing Special Commission. Grandolph, having set forth with masterly force his objections to scheme, winds up with remark:—"These reflections have been sketched out concisely. If submitted to a Statesman, many more, and much graver reflections, would probably be suggested." Old Morality hadn't noticed it before; but now words in print stare him in face, doesn't like it. "'Submitted to a Statesman,'" he murmured—"what does the fellow mean? Weren't they submitted to Me?"
Business done.—Voted money by hands-full.
Tuesday.—As a means of suffusing Treasury Bench with hearty, unaffected hilarity, nothing so effective as a defeat in Division Lobby. Noticed this twice of late. The other night, when Hamley's Motion on behalf of Volunteers was, malgré lui, carried against the Government, you'd have thought, to look on Treasury Bench, that some good news had suddenly flashed upon them. Old Morality beaming with smiles: Stanhope smirking; and even the countenance of Jokim convulsively working with what was understood to be signs of merriment. Same thing happened to-night. Buchanan brought forward Motion proposing to intrust to County Councils duty of maintaining and protecting rights of way in Scotland. Scotch Members united in support of popular demand, only Mark Stewart having his doubts. Even Finlay made bold to hint Government would do well to listen to demand. Chamberlain openly and effectively declared on behalf of Resolution; Government seemed to be in tight place; Old Morality moved uneasily in seat; still it would never do to interfere with Dukes and others furtively or openly engaged in the task of closing up paths over mountains, or shutting off walks by the lakes. Very awkward and inconsiderate of Chamberlain going off on this tack.
"Can't eat your cake and have it, you know," Old Morality said, unconsciously forming the words on his copy of the Orders in large copy-book hand, "Mustn't play fast and loose with custodians of the Union. Oughtn't to look back when you put your hand to the plough. Should go the whole hog or none." These and other comforting phrases he wrote out in best copper-plate, filling up time whilst House cleared for Division. But when Tellers came back, and it was known that Resolution was carried against Government, clouds passed away.
Old Morality tore up his copy-book headings, thrust hands in pockets; assumed truculently jovial air; nearly died of laughing when Speaker announced figures showing Government had been defeated by 13. His hilarity contagious. Mr. Biddulph standing for a moment in the doorway below the shadow of the Gallery, looked on, his face slowly broadening into responsive smile.
"Well," said he, "of all the rollicking dogs I ever came across, there never was a pack to equal Her Majesty's Ministers in the hour of defeat."
Business done.—Buchanan's Right of Way Motion carried against Government by 110 against 97.
Wednesday.—"I like this quite quiet hour, Toby," said the Speaker, as I sat on the Treasury Bench, he at Table, waiting for a quorum. "It gives me opportunity of reading in Freeman's Journal verbatim reports of speeches by Tanner, Sheehy, and William Redmond. Heard them delivered, of course; but there are some pleasures one likes to renew."
Should have begun business at twelve; now getting on for one. Albert Rollit in charge of Bankruptcy Bill with back to wall waiting for a quorum. "Must see," he says, "if I can't frame Clause dealing specially with Parliamentary proceedings. We shall shortly be bankrupt here if this sort of thing goes on. Composition of four and a-half hours' sitting on Wednesday afternoon scarcely enough to justify honourable discharge."
Everything comes to man who waits. Quorum came for Rollit. Numbers increased as he proceeded with singularly lucid address, investing even Bankruptcy with subtle charms. Gave the tone to thoroughly business Debate; and, even in less than the maimed period of time allotted, had carried his Bill through Second Reading.
Business done.—Bankruptcy Bill read Second Time.
Thursday.—John O'Connor pervading House with profoundest mystery. When Orders of Day called on, John rose to his full height (6 foot 4 of human kindness and geniality), and said, "Mr. Speaker!" Motion was, that House should go into Committee of Supply. According to New Rules, Speaker leaves Chair without putting Question; Question not put, obvious no one could discuss it. But here was John insisting on catching the Speaker's eye.
"Mr. Speaker!" he repeated, "I want to discuss some of the irregularities of the Government."
But Speaker had executed strategic retreat; Chair empty; John standing on tiptoe, followed retreating figure with despairing cry, "Mr. Speaker!" House half hoped Speaker would return; dying with curiosity to know what fresh irregularity on part of Government John had discovered; but no help for it. Chair empty; technically "No House;" and John, slowly subsiding, shutting up like a reluctant telescope, resumed seat.
Prince Arthur, back from Golf at Eastbourne, looking better for his holiday, lounged on Treasury Bench watching scene. "Alas!" he cried, eyeing John with dreamy glance, what time the fingers of his hand—a strayed reveller—fitfully played with the rolled copy of his Orders, as if it were his cherished Mandoline—
"Alas for those who never sing,
But die with all their music in them."
Business done.—Vote on Account passed.
Friday.—Lords had nice little "plant" on to-night. The Sage of Queen Anne's Gate got first place in other House for Motion decreeing their abolition. "Such larks!" says the Markiss; "let's get up big debate here on House of Commons subject; draw away their men; leave Sage in lurch."
So arranged Debate on Report of Parnell Commission for to-night. Full dress affair; all the big guns to go off; Curiosity as to how they'd treat too familiar subject. Plan answered admirably. Both shows running together, Lords, as most novel entertainment, fuller spectacular entertainment, drew the cake. Instead of crowded House that usually waits when Sage lunges at the Lords, beggarly array of empty Benches. Rather depressing even for imperturbable Sage. Little later, Members finding things dull in Lords, came back in time to hear George Curzon. Capital speech; sparkle on the top; but some quiet depths of closely reasoned argument below.
Business done.—Sage's Motion for abolition of Lords negatived by 201 Votes against 139. Thus reprieved, Lords ordered Report of Parnell Commission to be duly recorded.
