TO JOBBING PATRIOTS.
MR. GEORGE ROBINS.
with unparalleled gratification, begs to state that he has it in
Command
to announce, that in consequence of
LORD JOHN RUSSELL’S LETTER
to the citizens of London having satisfactorily convinced her
MOST GRACIOUS MAJESTY
that a change of ministry
CANNOT
be productive of a corresponding transformation of measures, and that the late
POLITICO-GLADIATORIAL STRUGGLE
for the guerdon of office could only have emanated from a highly commendatory desire on the part of the disinterested and patriotic belligerents
TO SERVE THEMSELVES
or their country,
HIS ROYAL MISTRESS,
ever solicitous to enchain the hearts of her devoted subjects, by an impartial exercise of her prerogative, has determined to submit to the
ARBITRATION OF HIS HUMBLE HAMMER,
some of those desirable places, so long known as the stimuli to the
LACTANT LYCURGI
of the nineteenth century.
LOT 1.
FIRST LORD OF THE TREASURY,
at present in possession of Lord Melbourne. This will be found a most eligible investment, as it embraces a considerable extent of female patronage, comprising the appointments of those valuable legislative adjuncts,
THE LADIES OF THE BEDCHAMBER,
AND THE ROYAL NURSES, WET AND DRY;
together with those household desiderata,
COALS AND CANDLES,
and an unlimited
RUN OF THE ROYAL KITCHEN.
LOT 2.
SECRETARY OF STATE FOR THE COLONIAL DEPARTMENT,
at present occupied by Lord John Russell. This lot must possess considerable attraction for a gastronomical experimentalist, as its present proprietor has for a long time been engaged in the discovery of how few pinches of oatmeal and spoonsful of gruel are sufficient for a human pauper, and will be happy to transfer his data to the next fortunate proprietor. Any gentleman desirous of embarking in the manufacture of
SUGAR CANDY, MATCHES, OR CHEAP BREAD,
would find this a desirable investment, more particularly should he wish to form either
A PAROCHIAL OR MATRIMONIAL UNION,
as there are plans for the one, and hints for the other, which will be thrown into the bargain, being of no further use to the present noble incumbent.
LOT 3.
SECRETARY OF STATE FOR THE HOME DEPARTMENT,
at present the property of Lord Normanby. Is admirably calculated for any one of a literary turn of mind, offering resources peculiarly adapted for a proper cultivation of the Jack Sheppard and James Hatfield “men-of-elegant-crimes” school of novel-writing—the archives of Newgate and Horsemonger-lane being open at all times to the inspection of the favoured purchaser.
“YES” OR “NO”
will determine the sale of this desirable lot in a few days.
LOT 4.
SECRETARY OF STATE FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS,
now in the occupancy of Lord Palmerston. Possesses advantages rarely to be met with. From its connexion with the continental powers, Eau de Cologne, bear’s grease, and cosmetics of unrivalled excellence, can be procured at all times, thus insuring the favour of the divine sex,
“From the rich peasant-cheek of bronze,
And large black eyes that flash on you a volley
Of rays, that say a thousand things at once,
To the high dama’s brow more melancholy.”
The only requisite (besides money) for this desirable lot is, that the purchaser must write a bold round hand for
PROTOCOLS,
understand French and Chinese, and be an
EXPERT TURNER.
LOT 5.
SEVERAL UNDER SECRETARYSHIPS,
admirably adapted for younger sons and poor relatives.
The whole of the proceeds (by the advice of her Majesty’s Cabinet Council) will be devoted to the erection of a
UNION FOR DECAYED MINISTERS.
Cards to view may be had at the Treasury any day after the meeting of Parliament.
“Very like a whale!” as the schoolmaster said when he examined the boy’s back after severely flogging him.