OR, YOUNG JOKER’S BEST COMPANION.
“All the world’s a joke, and all the men and women merely jokers.”—Shakspeare. From the text of Joseph Miller.
Messrs. GAG and GAMMON beg most respectfully to call the strict attention of the reading public to the following brief prospectus of their forthcoming work “On Jokes for all subjects.” Messrs. GAG and GAMMON pledge themselves to produce an article at present unmatched for application and originality, upon such terms as must secure them the patronage and lasting gratitude of their many admirers. Messrs. GAG and GAMMON propose dividing their highly-seasoned and warranted-to-keep-in-any-climate universal facetiæ into the following various heads, departments, or classes:—
General jokes for all occasions; chiefly applicable to individuals’ names, expressive of peculiar colours.
A very superior article on Browns—if required, bringing in said Browns in Black and White.
Embarrassed do., very humorous, with Duns; and a choice selection of unique references to the copper coin of the realm. Worthy the attention of young beginners, and very safe for small country towns, with one wit possessed of a good horse-laugh for his own, or rather Messrs. G. and G.’s jokes.
Do. do. on Greens, very various: bring in Sap superbly, and Pea with peculiar power; with a short cut to Lettus (Lettuce), and Hanson’s Patent Safety,—a beautiful allusion to the “Cab-age.” May be tried when there is an attorney and young doctor, with a perfect certainty of success.
Do. do. do. On Wiggins; very pungent, suitable to the present political position; offering a beautiful contrast of Wig-ins and Wig-outs; capable of great ramifications, and may be done at least twice a-night in a half whisper in mixed society.
Also some “Delightful Dinner Diversions, or Joke Sauces for all Joints.”
Calves-head.—Brings in fellow-feeling; family likeness; cannibalism; “tête-à-tête”; while the brain sauce and tongue are never-failing.
Goose.—Same as above, with allusions to the “sage;” two or three that stick in the gizzard; and a beautiful work up with a “long liver.”
Ducks.—Very military: bring in drill; drumsticks; breastwork; and pair of ducks for light clothing and summer wear.
Snipes.—Good for lawyers; long bill. Gallantry; “Toast be dear Woman.” Mercantile; run on banks. And infants; living on suction.
Herring.—Capital for bride: her-ring; petticoats, flannel and otherwise, herring-boned. Fat people; bloaters; &c. &c. &c.
Venison.—Superior, for offering everybody some of your sauce. Sad subject, as it ought to be looked upon with a grave eye (gravy). Wish your friends might always give you such a cut. &c. &c. &c.
Port.—Like well-baked bread, best when crusty; flies out of glass because of the “bee’s wing.” Always happy to become a porter on such occasions; object to general breakages, but partial to the cracking of a bottle; comes from a good “cellar” and a good buyer, though no wish to be a good-bye-er to it. All the above with beautiful leading cues, and really with two or three rehearsals the very best things ever done.
Sherry.—“Do you sherry?” “Not just yet.” “Rather unlucky, white whining: like a bottle of port; but no objection to share he. Hope never to be out of the Pale of do.; if so, will submit to be done Brown.”
N.B.—After an election dinner, any of the above valued at a six weeks’ invitation from any voter under the influence of his third bottle; and absolute reversion of the chair, when original chairman disappears under table.
Champagne.—Real pleasure (quite new—never thought of before)—must be Wright’s; nothing left about it; intoxicating portion of a bird, getting drunk with pheasant’s eye. What gender’s wine? Why hen’s feminine. Safe three rounds; and some others not quite compact.
Hock.—Hic, hec, do.
Hugeous.—Glass by all means (very new); never could decline it, &c. &c. &c.
Dessert.—Wish every one had it; join hands with ladies’ fingers and bishops’ thumbs: Prince Albert and Queen very choice “Windsor pairs;” medlars; unpleasant neighbour: nuts; decidedly lunatic, sure to be cracked; disbanding Field Officers shelling out the kernels, &c. &c. &c.
The above are but a few samples from the very extensive joke manufactory of Messrs. Gammon and Gag, sole patentees of the powerful and prolific steam-joke double-action press. They are all warranted of the very best quality, and last date.
Old jokes taken in exchange—of course allowing a liberal per-centage.
Gentlemen’s own materials made up in the most superior style, and at the very shortest notice.
Election squibs going off—a decided sacrifice of splendid talent.
Ideas convertible in cons., puns, and epigrams, always on hand.
Laughs taught in six lessons.
A treatise on leading subjects for experienced jokers just completed.
A large volume of choice sells will be put up by Mr. George Robins on the 1st of April next, unless previously disposed of by private contract.
N.B.—Well worthy the attention of sporting and other punsters.
Also a choice cachinatory chronicle, entitled “How to Laugh, and what to Laugh at.”
For further particulars apply to Messrs. Gag and Gammon, new and second-hand depôt for gentlemen’s left-off facetiæ, Monmouth-street; and at their West-end establishment, opposite the Black Doll, and next door to Mr. Catnach, Seven-dials.