LORD PALMERSTON,
Late Professor of Toryism, but now Lecturer on Whiggery to the College of St. Stephen’s.
BOOK I.—DEFINITIONS.
A point in politics is that which always has place (in view,) but no particular party.
A line in politics is interest without principle.
The extremities of a line are loaves and fishes.
A right line is that which lies evenly between the Ministerial and Opposition benches.
A superficies is that which professes to have principle, but has no consistency.
The extremities of a superficies are expediencies.
A plain superficies is that of which two opposite speeches being taken, the line between them evidently lies wholly in the direction of Downing-street.
A plain angle is the evident inclination, and consequent piscation, of a member for a certain place; or it is the meeting together of two members who are not in the same line of politics.
When a member sits on the cross benches, and shows no particular inclination to one side or the other, it is called a right angle.
An obtuse angle is that in which the inclination is evidently to the Treasury.
An acute angle is that in which the inclination is apparently to the Opposition benches.
A boundary is the extremity or whipper-in of any party.
A party is that which is kept together by one or more whippers-in.
A circular member is a rum figure, produced by turning round; and is such that all lines of politics centre in himself, and are the same to him.
The diameter of a circular member is a line drawn on the Treasury, and terminating in both pockets.
Trilateral members, or waverers, are those which have three sides.
Of three-sided members an equilateral or independent member is that to which all sides are the same.
An isosceles or vacillating member is that to which two sides only are the same.
A scalene or scaly member has no one side which is equal to his own interest.
Parallel lines of politics are such as are in the same direction—say Downing-street; but which, being produced ever so far—say to Windsor—do not meet.
A political problem is a Tory proposition, showing that the country is to be done.
A theorem is a Whig proposition—the benefit of which to any one but the Whigs always requires to be demonstrated.
A corollary is the consequent confusion brought about by adopting the preceding Whig proposition.
A deduction is that which is drawn from the revenue by adopting the preceding Whig proposition.