ST. VALENTINE'S EVE.
SCENE—The outside of a small fancy-stationer's in a back-street. The windows are plastered with highly-coloured caricatures, designed to convey the anonymous amenities prescribed by poetic tradition at this Season of the Year. A small crowd is inspecting these works of Art and Literature with hearty approval.
First Artisan. See this 'ere, BILL? (He spells out with a slow relish.)
"With yer crawlin,' lick-spittle carneyin' ways,
Yo think very likely bein' a nippercrit'll pay!
Still some day it's certain you'll be found out at lorst
As a cringin', sloimy, snoike in the grorss!"
Why, it might ha' been wrote a-purpose for that there little cantin' beggar up at our shop—blowed if it mightn't!
Second Artisan. Young MEALY, yer mean? But that's cawmplimentry—for him—that is!
First A. But yer see the ideer of it. They've drawed im a snoike, all 'cept 'is 'ed, d'ye see? That's why they've wrote "Snoike in the Grorss," underneath. Hor-hor! they must be smart chaps to think o' sech things as that 'ere, eh? [They move on.
First Servant Girl (reading)—
"Two squintin' boss-heyes, and 'air all foiry-red.
You surely can't ever expect to be wed?
Yer nose shows plain you've took to gin.
You're a nice party for a wedding-ring!"
I've 'arf a mind to go in and git one o' them to send Missis.
Second S.G. (in service elsewhere). Oh, I would! Go in, SALLY, quick. I can lend yer a ap'ny towards it.
Sally (meditatively). I'd do it—on'y she'd guess 'ood sent it her!
Second S.G. Let 'er. You can stick 'er out it wasn't you.
Sally. I could, O' course—but it wouldn't be no use, she'd tell the 'andwriting on the hongvelope! (Gloomily.)
Second S.G. Oh, if that's all, I'll direct it for yer. Come on, SALLY; it will be sech a lark, and then you can tell me all about what she said arterwards! [They enter the shop.
First Young Person in hat and feathers (reading)—
"The female 'art you think you'll mash,
By sporting stick-up collars and a la-di-da moustache.
But I tell you straight it'll be a long time
Before I take you to be my Valentine!"
I do wonder what CHORLEY 'AWKINS would say if I sent him one of them.
Second Y.P. But I thought you told me CHORLEY 'AWKINS never took no notice of you?
First Y.P. No more he does—but p'raps this 'ud make him!
A Young Woman (who has fallen out with her fiancé). They ain't arf Valentines this year, I wish I could come across one with 'orns and a tail!
Elder Sister (to small Brother—in a moral tone). Now, JIMMY, you see what comes o' Book-learnin'. If you 'adn't gone to the Board School so regular, you wouldn't ha' been able to read all the potry on the Valentines like you can now, would yer now?
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