PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.
"In the words of the Postmaster-General, spoken yesterday (March 18th) from his room in St. Martin's-le-Grand, and distinctly heard by the head of a corresponding department in Paris, the triumph of the International Telephone is an accomplished fact."—Daily News.
HALLO!—are you there? That's the cue international,
Henceforth we'll hope, and we trust it may lead
To colloquies pleasant, relations more rational.
May "saucers" and tubes telephonic succeed
In setting the world "by the ears," in a fashion
Not meant by the men who invented that phrase.
May nail-biting nagging and rancorous passion
Die out, like a craze!
Why, bless us, and save us! We ought to behave us
A little bit better for all our new light.
From incurable savagery nothing can save us
If Science can't cool down our fondness for fight.
With so many chances of "talking things over,"
Like comrades in council, across the broad sea,
Nations ought to be nice, as a girl and her lover
At five o'clock tea!
Eh? Vox et præterea nihil? What matter
How close ears may seem if the hearts are apart?
Humph! Nothing go easy as cynical chatter;
Distrust's diplomatic, and satire sounds "smart."
But, as RAIKES suggests, there is something in hearing
The "great human voice" o'er some three hundred miles,
In spite of the scorn that's so given to sneering,
The hate that reviles.
One wonders what TALLEYRAND, subtle old schemer!
Would think of the Telephone were he alive.
Wits sniff at the savant, and mock at the dreamer,
Who else, though, so hard for humanity strive?
BELLONA's sworn backers are woefully numerous;
Peace, let us pray, may claim this as her friend;
The "Sentiment" flouted by swashbucklers humorous
Sways, at the end.
If language was given our thoughts for concealing,
The Telephone—'tis but a travelling Voice!—
Need not be the agent of reckless revealing,
And caution must often be candour's wise choice.
Unwisdom is sure to be sometimes caught napping,
And tongues may wag foolishly e'en through the wire.
Facilities freer for summary snapping
No sage can desire.
Great diplomats, proud of their "able dispatches,"
From trusting the tube with their wisdom may shrink.
The brain that in secret shrewd policies hatches,
May not care to canvas 'cute schemes "o'er a drink."
Yet times must be many when sense will be winner
By chatting of trifles, which nations have riled,
As freely as though vis-à-vis at a dinner,
And carefully "tiled."
Now England and France can thus gossip together,
And CARNOT and SALISBURY thus hob-a-nob,
We'll hope for set-fair international weather.
Our RAIKES and their ROCHE appear well "on the job."
The Telephone's triumph at least is not sinister.
Things should go easier somehow—with care,
When patriot Minister greets patriot Minister,
"Hallo!—are you there?"
ANOTHER TELEPHONIC SUGGESTION.—Connect the Theatres and Opera Houses by Telephone with all the Clubs. On payment of a fixed charge, any member should be able to hear just as much of the piece or Opera as he might require. Something above the price of a Stall to be the maximum charge for one person to hear entire Opera. For half the Opera, say six shillings; for a quarter of it, three-and-six. For hearing one song in it, eighteen-pence; and, if certain songs be in great demand, the prices could be raised.
EPIGRAMMATIC DEFINITION OF MOST PUBLIC BANQUETS WITH POSTPRANDIAL ORATORY.—"Stuff and Nonsense."
