SHAKSPEARE AND THE UNMUSICAL GLASSES.
Mr. PINERO, in his letter to the D.T., complained that, should the Music Halls obtain their wicked way, through the incompetence of the County Council to deal with the matter—(but is not DRURIOLANUS a Counti-Counciliarius, and ready to see justice done to the poor player, author, (and manager alike? Sure-ly!)—then a play at a Hall of Music (they used to be "Caves of Harmony" in THACKERAY's time, and the principal Hall of Music was SAM HALL) will be heard between "a puff at a cigar and a sip from a glass." Well, but what piece can get on without a puff or so? Would not a good cigar during a good piece be on additional "draw?" We have "Smoking Concerts"; why not "Smoking Theatricals"? But how about the Ladies? Years ago there were no smoking-carriages on the Railways. And what nowadays is the proportion of smoking to non-smoking compartments? Very small. The Ladies will decide this question. But how about the Actors? In modern pieces they never lose an opportunity of smoking. Why shouldn't the cigar be introduced into Shakspearian revivals? Anachronism to the winds!—which is a polite way of expressing "Anachronism be blowed!" 'Baccy be blowed too. Sir WALTER RALEIGH would have approved its introduction in Elizabethan days. In Twelfth Night for example, the line, "Help me to some light," is suggestive; so, also, in Macbeth—"Give us a light, then"—out comes the cigar. Titus Andronicus might be revived, with a view to inaugurating the innovation, and the line, "Some of you shall smoke," would be the signal for the production of many a cigar-case in point. Hamlet could, perhaps, find some authority for reading the line, "Will you play upon this pipe?" as, "Will you smoke this pipe?" And the other actor would reply, "Certainly—and thank you, my Lord, I have one of my own." Mr. EDWARD TERRY has no objection to The Churchwarden in his theatre, and his Churchwarden drew very well. However, we've had this discussion before. Will it end this time, as it has hitherto done, in smoke? Let us suppose a Shakspearian play under the proposed conditions:—
SCENE II.—Capulet's Garden. After ROMEO's soliloquy, which, perhaps, has produced a thirstiness among the audience, resulting in several orders for drinks having been given, JULIET appears on balcony.
"Juliet. Ah, me!" [Popping of corks, and striking of matches.
"Romeo. She speaks!—"
Fascinating Female Attendant in Stalls. One whiskey, Sir?
"Romeo. Oh, speak again, bright angel!"
Thirsty Party in Stalls. No; I said B. and S.—bring it quick.
"Romeo (continuing). As is a winged messenger of heaven."
Second Fascinating Attendant. Which Gent ordered gin-sling? (No one pays any attention. Attendant sees a mild man listening as earnestly as he can to the play.) Did you order a sling, Sir?
Earnest Listener (irritably). No, no—I don't want anything. There, I've lost the last part of ROMEO's speech.
[Steels himself against further distractions, and tries to concentrate all his attention on the play.
"Juliet. O, ROMEO! ROMEO! wherefore art thou, ROMEO?" &c.
"Romeo (aside). Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?"
Excited Somebody (in distant Stall, beckoning to Second Attendant). Here! Hi! Here! I ordered gin-sling.
Second Attendant (much relieved). Oh, you was it? D'you mind stretchin' across—(To gorgeous, eveningly-attired Lady, in row between). Beg pardon.
Gorgeous Lady (horribly disturbed). She'll spill it—you'll spill it—CHARLEY, why don't you—
Charles (her Friend). Here! (To Fascinating Attendant as politely as possible). Can't you go round with it—
Few Ancient Playgoers. Sssh! Sssh!
Second Attendant (to distant Customer). I'll bring it. 'Scuse me.
[Retraces her fascinating steps along front row. Chaff—exclamations—near and distant poppings of corks, striking of matches, and other accompaniments to JULIET's speech.
And so forth, ad libitum. The same thing going on all over the house during the remainder of the Shakspearean play.
