ROBERT ON ENGLISH AND FOREIGN WAITERS.
Well, things is cumming to a pretty pass, things is, when I'm acshally told that, as it used to be said formerly, "No Hirish need apply for nothing," so now, we are told, that no English Waiters need apply at the Royal Nawal Xhibishun unless he bes a German!
"Rule, Britannia, Britannia rules the Waves! For Britons never, never, NEVER Shall be Slaves!"
I never knowed as Jack Tars, and Powder-Munkys, and Admerals (as is so fond of Port, that they takes the werry name), was so werry parshal to Germans, that they woud sooner go without their dinners and tease, than be waited on by any other gennelmen, most suttenly not. "O contrare," as the French Waiters says. It 'ud be a jolly long time, I shood think, before your real British Sailers wood learn to call a Waiter a Gasson, tho' as it means, I'm told, a Boy, there is sum little sense in it, coz there's, in course. Old Boys as well as yung ones; but what on airth meaning is there in a Kelner! as I'm acshally told all German Waiters insists on being called! Why the thing's too absurd to tork about.
Besides the British Publick is used to our little ways, as we are quite used to theirn, and they talk to us in that nice confidenshal tone about the different wines, et setterer, as no true Born Englishman ewer yet spoke to a Frenchman, much less a German. No, no, the hole thing's a mistake, as will soon be found out. And what a groce injustice to the native article. These sollem-looking Germans, not content with pushing our poor sons from their stools in our counting-houses, as Macbeth says, must now cum and take the werry bread out of their poor Father's mouths. Oh pale-faced shame, where's your blush? And think too of their himperance. Why they are acshilly a going for to have a hexibition of their own, here in Lundon, and does anyone think as they'll write up on the gates, "Only English Waiters need apply?" Why the hidear is ridiclous, but where's the difference I should like to kno. No, no, no one can kno better than I do, from a long and waried xperience, from the Grand old City, the ome of ospitality and turtle soup, to the "Grand" and "Metropole," the omes of lucksury and refinement, that the British Public likes his British Waiter, he likes his nice respecful ways, the helligent Bow with which he ands him his At, and the graceful hair with which he receeves his little doosure.
ROBERT.