HOW TO BE POPULAR.
(Advice to an Aspirant.)
Dear sir, if you long for the love of a nation,
If you wish to be fêted, applauded, caressed;
If you hope for receptions, and want an ovation,
By the populace cheered, by Town Councils addressed;
I can give you succinctly a certain receipt—
Be detected at once and denounced as a cheat.
It's as easy as lying; you eat all your cake, Sir,
And you have it as well, which was never a sin,
By adding a trifling amount to your stake, Sir,
When the points of the cards show you're certain to win.
You'll be slapped on the back by the "man in the street,"
Who delights to sing pæans in praise of a cheat.
They take the poor thief or the forger to jail, oh,
Where he cleans out his cell and picks oakum all day;
You pose as a martyr and get a cheap halo
Ready-made by the public, with nothing to pay.
Believe me, dear Sir, there is nothing can beat
For triumph and joy the career of a cheat.
EXIT LA CLAQUE.—"A partir d'apres demain samedi," says the Figaro for August 6:—"M. LEMONNIER, le Directeur d'été et l'auteur de Madame la Maréchale, supprime le service de la claque à 'Ambigu." When Madame la Maréchale has finished her run, will the claque be re-admitted to start a new piece? This is snubbing your friends in a time of prosperity. If the claque has the courage of its opinions—but stay, can a claque have any opinions? No: it must follow its leader; and its leader obeys orders. If ever any set of men came into a theatre "with orders," the claque is that set. Poor claque! Summoned in adversity, banished in prosperity, why not do away with it altogether, and trust to public expression of opinion for applause?
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