A GRAND SCHOLASTIC GALA,
on a scale of unprecedented magnificence. The Members have engaged, at considerable expense, that admirable Artist,
THE COURIER OF BOTH THE GLOBES,
who will, during a rapid ride on a retired cab-horse, exhibit and explain a series of gigantic maps of
EUROPE, ASIA, AFRICA, AND AMERICA.
This Star Artist will be followed by that talented troupe of relatives who for many years have drawn enormous crowds to their performances under the assumed but appropriate name of
THE BOUNDING BROTHERS OF THE SPELLING-BEES.
They will go through their marvellous feats in tossing barrels (bearing on their sides painted letters), and thus combining amusement with instruction. Their last act will be to keep in simultaneous motion a sufficient number of labelled milk-cans to spell the sentence, "Farewell to all kind friends in front." This marvellous double quartette will be followed by
THE ARITHMETICAL BICYCLIST,
who will ride his favourite two-wheeled vehicle while he sings a song introducing in a pleasing manner the Multiplication Table. This sweet-toned vocalist will be succeeded by
The Star-loving Pig attended by Comical Herschel.
In which the former will spell out (with the assistance of card-board letters) a number of interesting astronomical facts at the instigation of his mirth-provoking master and proprietor. This talented performer will be followed by
THE UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE QUADRILLE.
In which the entire troupe will appear on horseback, and go through the programme of studies (proficiency in which is required by the Tenth Standard) without a single mistake.
The performances will then be brought to an appropriate and jubilant conclusion by
A Silver Collection in aid of the Rates!
QUEER QUERIES.—OUR DEFENCES.—I am informed that Mr. STANHOPE is expected shortly to go abroad, "in order to recruit." Can even the blindest military optimist any longer deny that the British Army is a nefarious imposture, when the Minister for War is forced into an ignominious attempt to raise a body of foreign mercenaries by his own personal efforts?
HALF-PAY PATRIOT.
SCIENTIFIC.—Could you kindly tell me what "the Great Ice Age" means? My Pater took me to hear some fellow lecture about it the other day, but I couldn't understand much of what he said. I thought he was going to talk about strawberry ices and lemon ices, which I like awfully, but he didn't even mention them! Don't you think twelve is the great Ice Age—I mean the age when boys ought to be allowed to eat as many as they like? N.B.—I am just twelve.
TOMMY
WORTH SEEING.—"We understand that to the Exhibition of "Instruments of Torture," and now on view in London, have been lately added the Medici Collar, a Piano Organ, and a "Shakspeare for the use of Schools."
MEM. BY "THE OFFICIAL RECEIVER."—"Firm as a Rock" will not be henceforth a proverb of universal application.
