FOLLOW THE BARON!
["Such characters as he should retire into fiction, they are too exaggerated for real life."—"Times" on Mr. R.L. Stevenson's Sad Maron of Samou.]
Oh, most excellent true! How I thank thee, great Times,
For teaching that phrase! 'Tis delicious!
Fiction! The haunt of mad follies, crass crimes,
Fads futile, and tastes meretricious.
Oh, joy, to transport to that Limbo of Fools,
Upon trial and honest conviction,
The plagues of our Parties, our Churches, our Schools,
Who ought to "retire into Fiction."
When WINDYWHAME, M.P., goes spouting about,
His flatulent madness and malice;
When SLUDGE, after years of dogmatical doubt,
Finds Faith's Wonderland worthy of Alice;
When POPINJAY airs his effeminate Art,
And DOBBS sputters dirt in choice diction,
Ye gods, there'd be joy in Church, Forum, and Mart,
If the fools would "retire into Fiction."
Pragmatical pietists, sceptics obtuse
Who Progress impede with crude cackle,
Predestinate duffers of prattle profuse,
Who the biggest world-problems would tackle;
State-quacks, shouting Emperors, queer School-Board cranks,
We'll give you our best benediction,
And speed you at parting with heartiest thanks,
If you'll only—"retire into Fiction!"
