THE BOARD ON BOTH SIDES.
SCENE—A Railway Carriage. Present two Passengers discussing the Topics of the Day.
First Passenger. And then there's the School Board! I am on my way to record my vote.
Second Pass. And so am I. I hope, Sir, we are of both of the way of thinking?
First Pass. I hope so, too. My idea is to give the children of the poor every possible advantage. Let them learn all they can. Yes, Sir, let them learn all they can.
Second Pass. (excitedly). But, my dear Sir, what can be the good of that? It will be of no use to them in their future, and will only make them dissatisfied with their position.
First Pass. (calmly). Ah, my dear Sir, you evidently take a narrow view of the subject. Why should not the poor enjoy equality with the rich? It is only the accident of birth that divides the peasant from the Peer.
Second Pass. (obstinately). I do not care about the cause, I only look to the result—the rich are divided from the poor. It is ridiculous that an orange-girl should play the piano, and a ploughman paint a picture.
First Pass. (smiling). I do not see why. Surely the poor should have their little amusements? And do we not have it on decent classical authority, "that Art polishes the manners, and renders them less ferocious!"
Second Pass. (contemptuously). Ah! You take a sentimental view of it! Believe me, the people would be all the better were they to receive a practical—a technical education—say were they to be taught how to sweep chimneys, or to blacken boots!
First Pass. (complacently). They will engage in both those useful industries with the greater gusto if they know that when they are at leisure they can understand MACAULAY or enjoy BEETHOVEN.
Second Pass. (with conviction). But you must admit that there is a good deal of waste. Consider Mr. FORSTER calculated that the rate would be threepence in the pound, and now it's a shilling, and will go higher still! Remember that Londoners pay far more dearly than citizens of many provincial towns, for an article not one whit better.
First Pass. (with, a genial smile). Ah, I see you are quoting from the Press.
Second Pass. (earnestly). And why not? Is it true, or is it not, that money is squandered upon rotten buildings, upon excessive salaries to teachers, and upon the provision of refinements in education?
First Pass. (smiling). Still quoting! But if I admit that there is something in what you say, is it not always the case? Have we ever unmixed good, or unmixed evil? And I contend that the same advantages derivable from a School-Board education entirely compensate for a little loss.
Second Pass. (rather out of temper). Well, you take it calmly enough.
First Pass. (amiably). Why not? It is my theory that every child should have the best possible education. The infant should have enough mental food to last him for life. It is our duty that he should got it.
Second Pass. (with irritation). Well, at least you take an unselfish view of the case.
First Pass. (smiling sweetly). I don't see that! As a matter of fact, I am sufficiently successful not to care for competition. I believe that I am first-rate in my own walk; and, however the School Board may educate, they will not reach my standard.
Second Pass. (drily). I was not thinking of that, although it is a consideration. But how about the rates, my dear Sir—the rates?
First Pass. (with a good-humoured laugh). Oh, bother the rates! I don't see where they come in.
Second Pass. (with ghastly jocularity). But I do—by the front door.
First Pass. (condescendingly). Tut, tut! But what have the rates to do with the matter?
Second Pass. (astonished). Why, at a shilling in the pound and more to follow, you must admit they make a hole in a modest income?
First Pass. (enthusiastically). And what if they do, Sir—what if they do? Have we no duty to our fellow man? Ought we not to sacrifice something on his behalf—for his sake? And, my dear Sir, I speak all the more dispassionately, because my rates are paid—by my Landlord! [Curtain.
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.—"HISTORICAL GARDENER."—Yes, certainly—it was "The Gallows-tree," from which "The Hanging Gardens of Babylon" took their name. Any school-boy knows this.—"INQUIRING BUOY."—No; the Nore Light is not a candelabraham.