THE MARVELS OF MODERN SCIENCE.
SCENE—Interior of Small Box containing telephone with book of addresses. Enter hurriedly Impatient Subscriber.
Impatient Subscriber (turning over leaves of address-book). Of course I can't find it! Ah! here it is! 142086. (Rings bell of telephone, and listens with receivers to his ear.) Now I have forgotten it! (Puts back receivers on rests, and refers again to book. Telephone bell rings in answer. He hurries back and calls.) One hundred and forty-two nought eighty-six.
First Voice (from telephone). One hundred and forty-two?
Imp. Sub. Yes, and nought eighty-six.
First Voice. Which do you want?
Imp. Sub. Why, both.
First Voice. You can't. Must have one at a time.
Imp. Sub. It's only one. One four two nought eight six.
First Voice. One four two nought eight six?
Imp. Sub. Yes, please. One four two nought eight six.
First Voice. Very well. Why didn't you give the number before?
Imp. Sub. (angrily). Well, I have given it now. (He listens intently, exclaiming now and again, "Are you there?" and then rings.) One four two nought eight six, please.
First Voice (after a pause). What!
Imp. Sub. One four two nought eight six, please.
First Voice (as if the number is now heard for the first time). One four two nought eight six?
Imp. Sub. Yes, please. And look sharp!
First Voice. What?
Imp. Sub. One four two nought eight six.
First Voice. I hear. One four two nought eight six. [The communication is cut off for a couple of minutes.
Imp. Sub. (for the sixth time). Are you there?
Second Voice. Yes. Who is it?
Imp. Sub. I am BOSH, BOODLE & CO.
Second Voice. RUSH, RUDDLE & CO.?
Imp. Sub. No. BOSH, BOODLE & CO.
First Voice. Have you finished?
Imp. Sub. No, no—we are still speaking. I want to know if you have sent that case of champagne to BUMBLETON?
Second Voice. What? I can't hear you.
Imp. Sub. (speaking very slowly, as if dictating to imperfectly educated infants). Have—you—sent—that—case—of—cham—pagne—to BUM—BLE—TON?
Second Voice (puzzled). Sent a case of champagne?
First Voice (interposing.) Have you finished?
Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking. Yes—have you sent a case of champagne to BUMBLETON?
Second Voice. Sent a case of champagne to BUMBLETON? No; why should we?
Imp. Sub. Because you promised TICKLEBY you would.
Second Voice (evidently perplexed). Promised TICKLEBY?
Imp. Sub. (in a tone of reproach). Yes, promised TICKLEBY.
First Voice (interposing.) Have you finished?
Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking; please don't cut us off. (Returning to the champagne subject). Yes, you promised TICKLEBY you would send the case of champagne to BUMBLETON. (With inspiration.) You are the Arctic Wine Company, aren't you?
Second Voice. No. I am Secretary of the Curate's Papier Mâché Church Company.
Imp. Sub. (in a tone of sorrow). Aren't you one four two nought eight six?
Third Voice (coming from somewhere). Mind and bring a gun with you, and—.
Second Voice. No. We are two four eight nought six seven. Good morning!
First Voice. Have you finished?
Imp. Sub. (angrily). I have not begun! You have put me on the wrong number!
First Voice (calmly). What number do you want?
Imp. Sub. (angrily). One four two nought eight six.
First Voice. Two four two nought eight six?
Imp. Sub. (with suppressed rage). No, one four two nought eight six.
First Voice. Very well. One four two nought eight six.
Imp. Sub. Yes, and don't make a mistake.
[Long pause, during which he asks, "Are you there?" at intervals.
Fourth Voice. What is it?
Imp. Sub. Are you Arctic Wine Company?
Fourth Voice. Yes, all right! What is it?
Imp. Sub. (joyfully). Have you sent a case of champagne to BUMBLETON?
Fourth Voice. What? I can't hear you.
First Voice. (interposing). Have you finished?
Imp. Sub. No, we are still speaking. Have you sent a case of champagne to BUMBLETON?
Fourth Voice. We can't hear you. Send a messenger.
First Voice. Have you finished?
Imp. Sub. (shouting). Yes! (Is cut off.) Shorter to have done so at once!
[Uses intemperate language, and hurries off to get a Messenger. Curtain.