LAYING A GHOST!
PROSPECTIVE ARRANGEMENTS.—Owing to the continued success of Hamlet, it has been decided (by arrangement with the Author) to postpone, &c.—Extract from Advertisement in Daily Paper.
SCENE—Sanctum of Popular Actor-Manager of Theatre Royal Haymarket, Popular Actor-Manager dozing over a submitted Play. He closes his eyes and slumbers. When to him enter Master WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE.
Master W.S. (shouting). What ho, Sir Player! Wake up, Sir, wake up!
P.A.-M. (rousing himself). Delighted to see you, Mr. SHAKSPEARE. I hope you have been in front and seen us?
Master W.S. Yes, I just had a glance. Find you have put in some new business. When will all you fellows leave me alone?
P.A.-M. (earnestly). I hope, Sir, that in the cause of Art you do not object, that—
Master W.S. (interrupting). Oh, no! It makes little difference to me what you do. My author's fees ceased years ago! But look here, What do you mean by this? (Produces Press-cutting of advertisement and reads)—"Theatre Royal, Haymarket, Prospective Arrangements. Owing to the continued success of Hamlet, it has been decided (by arrangement with the Author) to postpone" another play. Now, Master TREE, or as I may call ye, "Master up a Tree," what have you to say to that? You see your advertisement has caught my eye. I am here to answer it!
P.A.-M. Most wonderful! I do not know how or wherefore my pen slipped, but slip it did, indeed. However, I apologise. Is that enough?
Master W.S. More than enough!
Enter the Ghost of HAMLET's Father suddenly.
Ghost (with a glance at W.S.). Ah, the Governor here already! Still, I may have my chance as well as he! I gave the plot of Hamlet! Why shouldn't I have another shot? (To P.A.-M.)—
But that I am forbid
To tell the secrets of my prison-house,
I could a tale unfold, whose lightest word
Would harrow up thy soul.
P.A.-M. (eagerly). The very thing for a melodrama. Delighted to make your acquaintance—hem—in the Spirit!
Master W.S. Nay, good Master Player, this is scarcely business! If anything in that line is to be done, I should do it. (To Ghost of HAMLET's Father). Begone, Sirrah!
Ghost. Nay, this is professional jealousy! (To P.A.-M.). I find thee apt—
[A book falls, and Master WM. SHAKSPEARE and Ghost of HAMLET's Father vanish together.
P.A.-M. (opening his eyes). Was I dreaming? (With a recollection of "The Red Lamp") I wonder! [Left wondering.