ON THE (POST) CARDS.
["Sir JAMES FERGUSSON does not hesitate to declare his opinion that rudeness or incivility on the part of a Post-Office servant is, next to dishonesty, one of the worst offences he can commit. This notice is not addressed to men alone. Of the young women employed by the department, there are, he says, some, if not many, whom it is impossible to acquit of inattention and levity in the discharge of their official duties. It is Sir JAMES FERGUSSON's intention to ascertain, at short intervals, the effect of this notice on the behaviour of Post-Office officials generally."—Daily Paper.]
SCENE—Interior of a Post Office. Female Employees engaged in congenial pursuits.
First Emp. (ending story). And so she never got the bouquet, after all, and he went to Margate, without even saying good-bye.
Second Emp. (her Friend). Well, that was hard upon her!
First Member of the Public (entering briskly and putting coppers on the counter). Now then, three penny stamps, please!
First Emp. (to her Friend). Yes, as you say, it was hard, as of course the matter of the pic-nic was no affair of hers.
Second Emp. (sympathetically). Of course not! They are all alike, my dear!—all alike!
First Mem. of the Pub. (impatiently). Now then, three penny stamps please!
First Emp. Well, you are in a hurry! (To her Friend). And from that day to this she has never heard from him.
Second Emp. And it would have been so easy to drop her a postcard from Herne Bay.
First Mem. of the Pub. Am I to be kept waiting all day? Three penny postage-stamps, please.
First Emp. (leisurely). What do you want?
First Mem. of the Pub. (angrily). Three penny postage-stamps, and look sharp about it!
First Emp. (giving stamp). Threepence.
First Mem. of the Pub. (furious). A threepenny stamp! I want three penny stamps. Three stamps costing a penny each. See?
First Emp. (with calm unconcern). Then why didn't you say so before? (Supplies stamps and turns to Friend.) Then MARIA of course wanted to go to Birchington.
Second Emp. Why Birchington? Why did she want to go to Birchington?
First Emp. Well—he of course was at Herne Bay.
Second Emp. Ah, now I begin to understand her artfulness.
First Emp. Ah, there you are right, my dear! She was artful! [Enter Second Member of the Public, covered up in cloaks and only showing the tip of his nose.
Second Mem. of the Pub. (in a feeble voice). Can you tell me, please, when the Mail starts for India?
First Emp. Well, the sea air is the sea air. And that reminds me, what do you think of this tobacco-pouch for—
Second Emp. (archly). For I know who! Why, you have got his initials in forget-me-nots!
First Emp. I think them so pretty, and they are very easy to do.
Second Mem. of the Pub. (in a rather louder voice). Can you tell me, please, when the Mail starts for India?
Second Emp. I must say, dear, you have the most perfect taste. Well, he will be ungrateful if he isn't charmed with them! Absolutely charmed!
Second Mem, of the Pub. (louder still). Will you be so good as to say when the Mail starts for India?
First Emp. Oh, you are in a hurry! (To Friend.) Yes, I took a lot of trouble in getting the gold beads. There is only one place where you can get them. They don't sell them at the Stores.
Second Mem. of the Pub. (in a loud tone of voice). Again I ask you when the Mail leaves for India?
Second Emp. And yet you can get almost anything you want there. Only it's a terrible nuisance going from one place to another.
Second Mem. of the Pub. (in a voice of thunder). Silence! You are an impudent set! You are calculated to injure the class to whom you belong! I am ashamed of you!
First Emp. And who may you be?
Second Mem. of the Pub. Whom may I be? I will tell you! (Throws off his disguise.) I am the Postmaster-General!!!
[Scene closes in upon a tableau suggestive of astonishment, contrition and excitement.
ITS LATEST APPLICATION.—Chorus for Royal Academicians, for Monday next:—"Ta-R.A.-R.A.-Boom-to-day!"
