A TRIAL IN NOVEL FORM.
SCENE—The Interior of Court during a sensational trial. Bench, Bar, and Jury in a state of wild excitement as to what will happen next.
Judge (mysteriously handing note to Bar engaged in the case). I have received this letter, which is deeply interesting. It will form appropriately what I may call our Third Volume. I hand it to Counsel, but they must keep it entirely to themselves.
First Leader (after perusal of document). Did you ever?
Second Leader (ditto). No I never!
Judge (greatly gratified). I thought I would surprise you! Yes, it came this afternoon, and I found it too startling to keep all to myself, so I have revealed the secret, on the condition you tell no one else.
First Lead. You may rely on the discretion of my learned friend, my Lord.
Second Lead. My Lord, on the discretion of my learned friend you may rely.
Judge. Thank you (dipping his pen in the ink), and now we will go on with the case.
[A Witness is called—he hides his face under a cloak.
First Leader (in examination-in-chief). I think you wish to preserve your incognito?
Wit. (in sepulchral tones). I do. But if his Lordship desires it, I will write my name on a piece of paper and pass it up.
Judge. Well, certainly, I think I ought to know everything, and— (Receives piece of paper disclosing the information, and starts back in his chair astonished). Dear me! Good gracious! Dear me!
First Lead. I think I should mention that I have not the faintest idea who this witness is, and only call him, acting under instructions. (To Witness.) Do you know anything about the matter in dispute?
Witness (with a sepulchral laugh). Ha! ha! ha! Nothing. Your question is indeed a good joke. Nothing, I repeat, absolutely nothing!
First Lead. (annoyed). Then you can sit down.
Second Lead. (sharply). Pardon me—not quite so fast! You say you know nothing about the matter in dispute, and yet you come here!
Witness (in a deeper voice than ever). Exactly.
Second Lead. But why, my dear Sir—Why? What is the point of it? Who may you be?
Witness. It is not may be—but who I am!
Second Lead. Well, tell us who you are. (Persuasively.) Come, who are you?
Witness (throwing off his disguise). Who am I? Why, HAWKSHAW the Detective!
Counsel Generally (to Judge). Then, my Lord, under the altered circumstances of the case, we can appear no longer before you. (With deep and touching emotion.) We retire from the case!
Judge (not very appropriately). Then if Box and Cox are satisfied, all I can say is that I am. I may add that I consider that the case has been conducted nobly, and that I knew how it would end from the very first. I am thoroughly satisfied.
Jury. And so are we, my Lord—never so interested in our lives!
Newspaper Editor (departing). Ah, if we only had a trial like this every day, we should require but one line on the Contents Bill! (Curtain.)
THE SAFEST NEW YEAR RESOLVE.—To make none.
NOTICE—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.