LORD WILDERMERE'S MOTHER-IN-LAW.
She's as bad as can be, but she's "Precious" to me,
Though her conduct cannot be called free from a flaw;
For in spite of blackmail, I have vowed ne'er to fail
In the duty I owe to my Mother-in-law.
There have been flippant sneers and conventional jeers,
At a worthy relation that I hold in awe;
Though it angers my wife, all the joy of my life
Comes from drawing big cheques—for my Mother-in-law.
Peccadilloes she had, but she isn't all bad,
And the folks who have sneered shall their libels withdraw;
To our dance she shall come, and the world be struck dumb
At the way that I've whitewashed my Mother-in-law.
She shall rise from the slime of what people called crime,
To a virtuous height, for I always foresaw
'Twould be wise to proclaim to all ages the fame
Of that much-maligned female—a Mother-in-law.
WHAT OUR ARTIST (THE CHEEKY ONE) HAS TO PUT UP WITH.
"LOOK HERE, MY PRINCE OF PICTURE-DEALERS—A GREAT FRIEND OF MINE, THE COUNTESS OF WATERBRUSH, IS GOING TO HAVE AN ART STALL AT THE LITTLE PEDDLINGTON BAZAAR. COULD YOU SPARE HER LADYSHIP ANY OLD RUBBISH YOU CAN'T GET RID OF? IT'S FOR A CHARITY, YOU KNOW." — "ACH! ZÔH! VELL, MY YOONG VRENT, I HAFE ZUM TOZENS OF YOUR VATER-CULLERS ZAT PERHAPS HER LATYSHIP MIGHT MANAGE TO KET RIT OF—FOR A CHARITY, YOU KNOW! SHE IS FERRY VELCOME, I ASSURE YOU!"