"NOT AT HOME!"
(A Duologue on a Doorstep.)
SCENE—The G.O.M.'s front door. Two expectant callers, EIGHT-HOURS BILL and Miss SARAH SUFFRAGE, in sore disappointment and some disgust, interlocute:—
Mr. Bill (sardonically). You too? Ah! he ain't no respecter of pussons, he ain't!
Miss Sarah (tartly). Well, this tries the temper of even a Suffrage she-saint.
I did think,—but there, you cannot trust Men—even Grand Old Ones!
Mr. Bill. Trust? Them as do trust Party Leaders are gen'rally sold ones.
It don't a mite matter which side.
Miss Sarah. Well, as far as I see,
The other side shows the most signs, BILL, of favouring Me!
I'm sure Mister BALFOUR was awfully civil and nice.
Mr. Bill. You won't trust Prince ARTHUR too far, if you'll take my advice.
Miss Sarah. Well, no,—but I should like to pay out—the other. Ah, drat him!
I'd comb his scant wool, the old fox, could I only get at him.
I'd pamphlet the wily old word-spinner.
Mr. Bill. Ah! I've no doubt;
But wot can we do when his flunkey assures us he's out?
Miss Sarah. We're out, anyhow.
Mr. Bill. Ah! you see you ain't never got in.
But me, his old pardner and pal! It's a shame, and a sin!
He's throwed lots of cold water of late. I am blowed if I likes
His wobbleyfied views about Payment of Members, and Strikes.
And then that HOOD bizness! Long rigmarole—cheered by the Tories!
I fear it's all Ikybod now with our G.O.M.'s glories.
Miss Suffrage. I never quite liked him—at heart. Mrs. FAWCETT, she warned me.
Mr. Bill. Well, now, I did love him! You see, he so buttered and yarned me;
And now—he won't see me! O WILLYUM, I carn't understand it.
Miss Suffrage. I've asked him politely this time. P'raps next time I'll demand it.
Unsex me? Aha! I am willing to wager Stonehenge
To a pebble, when canvassing's wanted, I'll have my revenge!
Mr. Bill. And though he seems cocksure the Gen'l Election he'll win,
Maybe if he's out to me always, he may not get in! [Exeunt.
Grand Old Voice (within). Look nasty! Now have I done wisely this time—on reflection?
One must be so careful—"in view of the General Election!"