TO LORD SALISBURY.
(By a Perturbed Tory.)
["We trust that the present Administration will not commit the blunder of attempting to 'gain favour with this or that section of the constituencies, by indulging in loose talk on economical questions.'"—The Standard.]
To thump the Drum Ecclesiastic
Was very likely mere parade;
But oh, why make yourself seem plastic
To the fanatics of Fair Trade?
Of course a warning's no "incitement";
You only said, in tones of thunder,
The valiant Ulstermen to fight meant,
And on your soul you didn't wonder.
Encouragement in that? Go to!
Did shouting SAUNDERSON so take it?
(Still it did raise a hullabaloo.
It's settling now, DON'T re-awake it!)
No; civil war is far—and fudge!
But why the dickens make suggestions
That England is inclined to budge
An inch, on Economic Questions?
Let HOWARD VINCENT, if he likes,
Talk "Fair Trade" fustian; no one listens.
But you?—best keep to slating Strikes.
You bet the eye of HARCOURT glistens,
And GLADSTONE reading with a grin,
Says, "Now I have him on the hip!"
This will not do, if we're to win.
Of course, dear Lord, 'twas but a slip,
But then you do make such a lot;
Explaining them away gets wearying.
You seem as though—of course, 'tis rot!—
Our Free Trade system you were querying.
That cock won't fight; Protection's dead,
Don't trot its ghost out. Just ask GOSCHEN!
That Silver Conference, too! His head
Must have gone woolly, I've a notion.
Fire us with militant suggestions;
Your loyal followers they embolden,
But upon Economic Questions
Remember Silence is so golden!
REPORTED DISAPPEARANCE OF THE BROAD GAUGE.—It has been "converted," and in this sense our old friend, The Broad Gauge, with its easy-going ways, is defunct for ever. Is the conversion for the better? From "broad" to "narrow" is not, ordinarily speaking, beneficial to the individual or to society. And as applied to lines that fall in such pleasant places as do those of the Great Western, will the change to "narrow" result in the same breadth of view which the passengers have hitherto enjoyed? Will the ideas of the management and direction of the G.W.R. change from "broad" to "narrow"? We see it mentioned that the "cross sleepers" have been disturbed and re-laid (enough to make them crosser than ever; the ceremony should have been accompanied by a band playing selections from "The Sleeper Awakened"), and that "an inner row of chairs" is already fixed. But chairs are not so comfortable for sleepers as the good old-fashioned broad-gauge-G.-W.-R. first-class seat, in which, after you had lunched, you could repose from Swindon to Exeter. However, we all know the safety of choosing the "narrow" in preference to the "broad" way in life, and so, no doubt, the spiritually-minded Directors of the G.W.R. have acted with the best intentions and upon the most unanimous resolutions. Yet "intentions" or "resolutions" are more compatible with the "broad" than the "narrow" way.