THE NEXT VIVA VOCE.
["Due consideration will be given in the selection of Candidates for Scholarships to proficiency in athletics."—Daily Paper.]
Examiner (courteously). Have you studied any Latin author?
Candidate (with hesitation). I once looked into CORNELIUS NEPOS, but never could construe half a dozen lines.
Exam. What have you studied in Greek?
Can. Tried the first page of VALPY, and got through the present of τυπτω—then gave it up.
Exam. Do you know anything about Mathematics?
Can. Fancy I have heard of the Rule of Three, but hanged if I know much about Fractions.
Exam. (a little despairingly). Can you give the dates of the four WILLIAMS in English History?
Can. No. Suppose followed one another, as shillings of the time of WILLIAM THE FOURTH still in use. Suppose WILLIAM THE FIRST must have been about the end of the Eighteenth Century.
Exam. (with new hope). Do you know anything about Geography?
Can. Not without a Continental Bradshaw.
Exam. (nothing daunted). Can you tell me the name of the spot which is supposed to be the centre of the universe?
Can. I haven't the faintest idea, but suppose you mean Monte Carlo.
Exam. (as a last resource). Do you know anything about Law?
Can. Nothing at all, except that one of my friends had to pay five pounds, the other day, for assaulting a Policeman.
Exam. (losing his temper). Then what on earth do you know?
Can. Only how to break the record of the quarter mile.
Exam. (brightening up). And can you play Cricket?
Can. (contemptuously). Can I play Cricket! Why I carried my bat out for 184 against Loamshire, with GRACE bowling his swiftest.
Exam. (cordially grasping his hand). My dear Sir, after the satisfactory examination you have just undergone, I shall have much pleasure in recommending you for a Scholarship.