THE COMPLIMENT OF COIN.
(An Extract from Mr. Punch's Purely Imaginary Conversations.)
Scene—Interior of a Palace. Emperor and Empress discovered discussing the former's tour in foreign parts.
Emperor (finishing a good story). So after I had made a hearty meal off the bread-and-milk, I gave the old woman a note for five thousand thalers, and told her to buy a three-sous portrait of myself so that she might see the Sovereign that she had saved from starvation. Ha! ha! ha! Wasn't it amusing?
Empress (smiling). Very, dear; but wasn't it a little expensive? Surely you could have got the bread-and-milk for a smaller sum?
Emperor. Of course I could! But then, don't you see, it made me popular. It's in all the papers, and reads splendidly!
Empress. Yes, of course, dear. By the way, I found this volume (producing book bound in velvet with real gold clasps) in your overcoat. May I peep into it?
Emperor (doubtfully). I don't think you will find it particularly interesting. I have just jotted down my petty cash disbursements.
Empress (opening book and glancing at contents). Dear me! Why the total amounts to £15,000! I see it's put in English money.
Emperor. Yes, it saves trouble. When I am travelling I get rather confused with all coinage save that of Mother's Fatherland.
Empress. But surely £15,000 is a lot to expend upon extras?
Emperor. Depends on the view you take of things. I had a lot of things to buy.
Empress. But surely this must be wrong? Shoeblack fifty guineas!
Emperor (lightly). No, I think that's all right. You see, the fellow, after he had cleaned my boots, suddenly recognised me, called me Sire, and sang the "Wacht am Rhein." I couldn't, after that, give him less.
Empress. Well, you know best, dear; but I should have thought you could have got your boots cleaned for rather less!
Emperor. Possibly; but I should have lost the story. And you know it reads so well.
Empress. And here's another rather big item. £800 for a London cabman!
Emperor. I consider that the cheapest item in the lot. He wanted more!
Empress. And here are several items of seventy pounds apiece. What were they for?
Emperor. Oh, nothing in particular. Little girl picked up my handkerchief, and a little boy asked me for a kite. Was obliged to give them each a bundle of tenners. It would have been so mean if I had given them less. But there, I told you you wouldn't find the book at all interesting. If you will pass it to me, I will lock it up.
Empress. Oh, certainly, dear. (Gives up volume.) And now, darling, I am going to ask you a favour. You never saw such a pet of a coronet as they have at Von ——'s. Now I want you to buy it for me particularly.
Emperor (embarrassed). Certainly, dear—but you know, we are not too well off.
Empress. Oh, but it is simply charming. Rubies round the edge, and a cross of brilliants and emeralds. And, really, so cheap. They only want £100,000 for it!
Emperor. Very nice indeed; but just at this moment it would be a little inconvenient to produce so large a sum.
Empress. Large sum! Why, the rubies alone are worth all the money.
Emperor. Yes, I know, dear. And now I must hurry away; duty, my love, comes before pleasure. See you soon.
[Exit hurriedly, to attend a review. In the meanwhile, Coronet remains in the jeweller's shop-window. Curtain.
