LAPSUS LINGUÆ.
["There is scarcely one of us who does not violate some rule of English grammar in every sentence which he speaks."—Daily News.]
Never we dreamt of this horrible blundering!
Up to the present, we cheerfully spoke
Quite unaware of our errors, nor wondering
How many rules in each sentence we broke.
Now we can scarcely pronounce the admission that
Grammar and parsing we freely neglect,
Scarcely can dare to make humble petition that
Someone or other will cure this defect!
Often we err in the use of each particle,
Seldom observe where our adverbs belong,
Wholly misplace the indefinite article,
In our subjunctives go hopelessly wrong!
What can we do? Will the Daily News qualify
As an instructor in matters like these?
How can we quickest successfully mollify
Those whom our errors must sadly displease?
Scarce can we venture the veriest platitude,
May not its grammar be shamefully weak?
You, Mr. Punch, can rely on our gratitude,
If you will tell us—how ought we to speak?
A Dark Saying.—Had Hilda Dawson—who, as reported in the D. T. one day last week, was haled before Sir Peter Edlin—been a character in some play of Shakspeare's, to whom the Bard had given these words to utter—"And this is what you call trial by Jury! Why they are not fit to try shoemakers!" what voluminous suggestions and explanations of the meaning of this phrase would not the learned Commentators have written! What emendations, alterations, or amendments of the text would not have been proposed! Perhaps, some hundreds of years hence, this dark saying of Hilda Dawson's will engage the close attention of some among the then existing learned body of Antiquaries.
"Sounds Rather Like It."—In France the Ministry of Foreign Affairs has gone to the Develle.
The Tip for the Alexandr(i)a Park Meeting. "Heraclian must win." Notice the Rara Nativa Oysteriana Shrub in the background.