"Mr. and Mrs. Ditchwater!"
Mr. Tid. (uneasily.) 'Pon my word, Maria, it's an awkward thing to do. I almost think we'd better keep him if he comes—we shall have to pay for him anyhow. After all, he'll be quite inoffensive—nobody will notice he's been hired for the evening.
Mrs. Tid. He may be one of the assistants out of the shop for all we can tell. And you're going to let him stay and make us thirteen, the identical thing he was hired to avoid! Well, I shall have to let Miss Seaton dine, after all—that's what it comes to, and this creature can take her down—it will be a little change for her. Gwennie, my pet, run down and tell Seakale that if he hears me ring twice after everybody has come, he's to lay two extra places before he announces dinner. (Gwennie departs reluctantly; Mrs. T. crosses to Miss Seaton.) Oh, Miss Seaton, my husband and I have been thinking whether we couldn't manage to find a place for you at dinner to-night. Of course, it is most unusual, and you must not expect us to make a precedent of it; but—er—you seem rather out of spirits, and perhaps a little cheerful society—just for once——I don't know if it can be arranged yet, but I will let you know about that later on.
Miss Seaton (to herself). I do believe she means to be kind! (Aloud.) Of course, I shall be very pleased to dine, if you wish it.
Seakale (at door). Mr. and Mrs. Gabriel Gilwattle, and Miss Bugle!
[Enter a portly old Gentleman, with light prominent eyes and a crest of grizzled auburn hair, in the wake of an imposing Matron in ruby velvet: they are followed by an elderly Spinster in black and silver, who rattles with jet.
Miss Bugle (after the usual greetings). I hope, dearest Maria, you will excuse me if I am not quite in my usual spirits this evening; but my cockatoo, whom I have had for ages, has been in convulsions the whole afternoon, and though I left him calmer, done up in warm flannel on the rug in front of the fire, and the maid promised faithfully to sit up with him, and telegraph if there was the slightest change, I can't help feeling I ought never to have come.
Aunt Joanna (to her host.) Such a drive as it is here, all the way from Regent's Park, and in this fog—I told Gabriel that if he escapes bronchitis to-morrow——
Seakale. Mr. and Mrs. Ditchwater! Mr. Toomer!
Mr. Ditch. Yes, dear Mrs. Tidmarsh, our opportunities for these festive meetings grow more and more limited with each advancing year. Seven dear friends, at whose board we have sat, and they at ours, within the past twelve months, carried off—all gone from us!
Mrs. Ditch. Eight, Jeremiah, if you count Mr. Jaunders—though he only dined with us once.
Mr. Ditch. To be sure, and never left his bed again. Well, well, it should teach us, as I was remarking to my dear wife as we drove along, to set a higher value than we do on such hospitalities as we are still privileged to enjoy.
Mr. Toomer (to Mrs. Tid.) My poor wife would, I am sure, have charged me with all manner of messages, if she had not been more or less delirious all day—but I am in no anxiety about her—she is so often like that, it is almost chronic.
Seakale. Mr. and Mrs. Bodfish! Miss Flinders! Mr. Poffley!
Mr. Bodf. (after salutations.) Mrs. Bodfish and myself have just been the victims of a most extraordinary mistake! We positively walked straight into your next-door neighbour's house, and if we had not been undeceived by a mummy on the first landing, I don't know where we should have found ourselves next.
Mrs. Tid. A mummy! How very disagreeable; such a peculiar thing to have about a house? But we really know nothing about the people next door. We have never encouraged any intimacy. We thought it best.
Mrs. Bodf. I told their man-servant as we came away that I considered he had behaved disgracefully in not telling us our mistake at once; no doubt he had a motive; people are so unprincipled!
