THE RAILWAY SERVANT'S VADE-MECUM.
Question. What are the duties of a Pointsman?
Answer. To remember the effect of moving the switches.
Q. When is he likely to cease to remember this important detail?
A. After he has been on duty a certain or uncertain number of hours.
Q. Do these conditions also appertain to the labours of a man in the signal-box?
A. Certainly, but in a more marked degree.
Q. What would a collision consequent upon the occasion to which you have referred be called?
A. Generally, "an accident."
Q. But would there ever be an exception to this nomenclature?
A. Yes; in the case of a Coroner being over-officious, and his Jury "turning nasty."
Q. What would be the effect of this unpleasant combination of circumstances?
A. That a verdict of "Manslaughter" would be given against the occupant of the signal-box.
Q. What would happen to his superiors?
A. Nothing. However, they would be required to see the proper evidence was forthcoming at the prisoner's trial.
Q. What would be the end of the incident?
A. Six months hard labour from the Bench, and a day's sympathy from the general Public for the ex-occupant of the signal-box.
Q. What are the duties of a Station-master?
A. To be civil to season-ticket holders, and to refer the general Public to officials of smaller importance than himself.
Q. What is your impression of an ideal Station-master?
A. A gentleman in correct morning dress taking a deep interest savouring of sincere satisfaction in all the arrangements of the traffic over which he exercises a qualified control.
Q. If he is asked why such and such a train is an hour late, what should he reply?
A. He should observe cheerily that it keeps better time than it used to do.
Q. Should he ever exhibit surprise?
A. Only when a train enters the station punctually to the moment, then he may safely presume that there must have been an accident somewhere.
Q. And now in conclusion, how can an official secure in all human probability a long life?
A. By taking care never to travel on his own line?
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