VERY CIVIL LAW.
(With Mr. Punch's Compliments to the London County Council.)
Scene—The Interior of the Court under the Patronage of the London County Council. Judge, appointed according to the popular view, discovered in the act of passing sentence.
Judge. Prisoner in the dock, or I should say, my good friend—for are we not all liable to err?—I have no wish to increase the natural embarrassment of your position. I am here, as you know, to dispense judgment. This I tell you judicially. I am, when I make this statement, merely the mouthpiece of the Law. In my private capacity, I am deeply sorry for you.
Prisoner (much affected). Thank you kindly, Sir.
Judge. My dear friend, I feel for your misfortunes. I make every allowance for them. By the Statute under whose provisions both of us are here, I notice that I have the power to sentence you to seven years' penal servitude.
Prisoner (startled). Seven years! But you ain't going to do it?
Judge. My dear friend, I will do nothing that is unjust.
Prisoner (angrily). You'd better not, or you'll 'ear of it again!
Judge. I hope, I do hope that is not intended as a threat! My object is to treat you courteously, and even considerately, but, as I have already remarked, the Law is, in fact, the Law. Although I represent the London County Council to a very large extent, still I am a Member of the Bar, and, by virtue of my office, a gentleman. Under these circumstances, I shall only be doing my duty—painful as its performance may be—when I sentence you to be kept in penal servitude for seven years.
Prisoner (indignantly). What, seven years! Why, you——
[Scene closes in hurriedly upon a flood of language more forcible than polite. Curtain.
