FATHER WILLIAM.
(Latest Anglo-Teutonic Version, as repeated to the Caterpillar of State by Alice, in Blunderland, from vague and mixed reminiscences of Southey, Lewis Carroll, and the Reports of the Debates in the British Parliament and the German Reichstag, concerning the Home-Rule Bill and the Army Bill respectively.)
"I'm afraid I am changed, Sir." said Alice; "I can't remember things as I used—and I don't keep to the same author for ten minutes together!"
"Can't remember what things?" said the Caterpillar of State.
"Well, I've tried to sing 'Rule, Britannia', but it all came different, and got mixed up with 'The Watch on the Rhine!'" Alice replied, in a very melancholy voice.
"Repeat 'You are old, Father William,'" said the Caterpillar of State.
Alice folded her hands, and began:—
"Good-morrow!" the youth to the Woodcutter cried;
"Father William, you're 'sniggling,' I see!"
With a smile of bland 'cuteness the Old Man replied,
"Master William, good morrow! I be!"
"You are old, Father William," the young Kaiser said,
"And your hair, what there is of it, 's white;
And yet you still stand at the Government's head—
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"
"Some twenty years since," Father William replied,
"I'd a passionate wish to retire;
But as I grow younger each year, I have tried
To subdue that untimely desire."
"You are old," said the youth, "yet your seat appears firm,
You are still pretty good over timber;
Your double back somersaults make your foes squirm.
What keeps you so nimble and limber?"
"In my youth," said the Senior, "I kept all my limbs—
And some say my principles—supple;
And that's why old age neither stiffens nor dims,
And years with alertness I couple."
"You are old," said the youth, "and your 'jaw' should be weak,
I've often heard Bizzy pooh-pooh it.
Yet you polish off Joe, and tap Goschen's big beak;
Pray, how do you manage to do it?"
"In my youth," said the Sage, "Fair Debate was the law,
And genuine Eloquence rife;
And so in an age of mere Brummagem 'jaw'
I can still hold my own in the strife."
"You are old," said the youth; "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balance that eel on the end of your nose—
What makes you so awfully clever?"
"You are young," smiled old Will; "you don't yet understand.
The point—of the eel—you'd be missing;
But when you're an Old Parliamentary Hand
You will find it as easy as kissing!"
"I've caught an eel, also," observed the young 'sniggler,'
"I'm not, like you, beaked à la Toucan;
Mine's still smaller than yours, and a terrible wriggler;
I wish I could work it as you can!"
"The equilibrist's art," the Old Juggler replied,
"Is not to be learned in a jiffy.
With the help of your Eyes (Ayes), and your Nose (Noes), and good 'side,'
You may win—if you do not turn 'squiffy.'"
"That is not said right," said the Caterpillar of State.
"Not quite right, I'm afraid," said Alice, timidly; "some of the words have got altered."
"It is wrong from beginning to end," said the Caterpillar, decidedly; and there was silence for some minutes.
