A PARLIAMENTARY BEAR-GARDEN.
Tuesday.—Tim Healy is an honest man and a loyal colleague. But we are all weak on some point. Temptation irresistible to Tim is to appropriate other people's rows. To-night's row distinctly and exclusively Sexton's. Yet Tim promptly came to the front, and remained there throughout the storm. The one clear impression amidst confusing uproar was that Tim was bobbing on top of the turbulence like a cork on the apex of a water-spout.
Brodrick began it, and while storm raged sat silent, astonished at his own moderation. Had merely remarked that the Irish people were impecunious and garrulous. As an Irishman himself ought to know something on point. Saunderson, another member of a gifted race, explained that, on the whole, he was inclined to regard remark as complimentary. Sexton, taking a different view, retorted with observation that Brodrick's language was grossly impertinent. Chairman, appealed to on point of order, gave a nice ruling. It is now established among Parliamentary precedents that the phrase "grossly impertinent," if addressed to an individual, is rank blasphemy; when applied to a thing 'tis but a choleric word. Committee might usefully have applied itself to consideration of this delicate distinction. "Instead of which," as the magistrate once said, it went about roaring like a famished lion.
For some minutes everyone seemed on his legs. Carmarthen had advantage over most Members by reason of his more than six feet length; Grandolph, feeling old emotions stirred within him, took prominent part in the fray; Mr. G., leaning across the table, fixed his glowing eyes on Grandolph, and warned him that his conduct was not calculated to assist the Committee in its dilemma; the voice of T. W. Russell was heard in the land; Prince Arthur had much to say; Dr. Tanner broke long silence with a shout; even Justin McCarthy was seen on his feet, and was howled at as if he had been discovered in the act of stealing the Chairman's pocket-handkerchief. But Tim topped them all. They were intermittent; he continuous. Whenever there was approach to pause in the clamour, Tim's strident voice filled it up with genial observation, "Name! Name!" they roared at him. "Drag him out," was the advice given by one forlorn legislator. In delirious delight of the rapturous hour Tim took no notice of these objurgations and interruptions. "It's not your funeral," an envious countryman snarled in his ear. Certainly not; but that should make no difference. Tim would improve the opportunity to whomsoever it might belong; and he did.
Business done.—None. But we had a cheerful row.
"Waiting to Spring."
Thursday.—Some excellent speaking to-night, and a walking-match, in which, lap after lap, Government won. Wallace led off with speech sparkling with point; the more effective by contrast with stolid manner. House crowded and applausive; always grateful to have something fresh; get it from Wallace, both in manner and matter. Prince Arthur, following later, unusually bitter; pegged away at Bill and Government for half an hour, and sat down with assertion that such a Government was not worth attacking. Mr. G., who had listened to Wallace's home-thrusts with face appreciative of their humour, was unaccountably disturbed by Prince Arthur's commentaries. He sat immediately opposite, waiting to spring; meanwhile, with legs crossed and arms tightly folded, literally holding himself in. On his feet with catapultic force when Prince Arthur, gracefully gathering his skirts, sat down. A Government not worthy of attack. Ho! A Government that had failed to adhere to the main principles of its policy. Ha! But there was another Government which, in 1886, had denounced as dishonest a revision of judicial rents in Ireland, and a few months later had passed Bill revising them. Had Prince Arthur belonged to that Government? If so, how did he uplift this lofty standard of action, than which no Pharisee that ever lived in Judea carried it higher? This and much more Mr. G. declaimed at top of voice, with flashing eyes, and exuberant gestures, cheers and counter cheers filling House. Naturally Joseph followed with some kind words about "my right hon. friend." Squire of Malwood, long silent, could not resist temptation to plunge in. House went off to dinner exhausted by the tornado of bitter, brilliant speech.
Dull enough after dinner, when walking-match began. Performance announced for ten o'clock; began punctually; Mellor acted as starter. Course, round the Division Lobbies and back to seats. Time, by Benson's chronometer, varied from 16 mins. 25 secs. to 18 mins. 3 secs. Programme included eighteen races; numbered Clause 9 to 26 inclusive; betting 5 to 1 on Government to pull through; some uncertainty round first division; talk about plungers in Ministerial team; when made known that majority was 27, it was seen that Government were safe. Interest in subsequent races fell away as Government majority mounted up. For some of the events the Opposition did not appear at starting-post; Government walked over.
"Demmit, Douglas," said Lord Nom Toddy, coming in mopping his brow, after eighth Division, "this is not good enough. Next Thursday I shall send my man down, and let him do the walking round. No use keeping a dog and barking yourself."
Business done.—Clauses 9 to 26 added to Home-Rule Bill.
Friday.—Don't Keir Hardie made bold bid to-day for cheap advertisement. Motion for Address to Queen in congratulation on Royal Marriage. Don't Keir tacked himself on to performance with attempted Amendment on behalf of the poor and needy. Found no probability of anyone seconding his Amendment, which therefore could not be put. Still, served his purpose; suggested visions of portrait of Benefactor of the People (penny plain, twopence coloured) hung in all the cottage homes of England.
"Curious," says the Member for Sark, "how rapidly Don't Keir Hardie has played himself out; perhaps rather notable than curious. House of Commons is the quickest machine ever invented for taking the measure of a man. Has looked at Member for West Ham, measured him, weighed him, and set him aside. When, less than a year ago, he came down, with his brass band and his trumpets tootling, he was Don't Keir Hardie. Now, if I may say so, the boot's on the other leg; it's the House of Commons that Don't Keir for Hardie."
Business Done.—More about Home-Rule Scheme.